As someone that is perpetually single, I have perused the dating services online with hopes of finding that special someone. After all, we’ve all heard of those happy couples that met online and forever lived in couple induced bliss for the rest of their natural lives. I decided to check these sites out with the hopes that I, too, could find the people that I was interested in. All I found was “interesting� people…interesting being a kind word for the types of folks I found there.

First, I tried sparkmatch.com – an offshoot of the popular spark.com. The people on this sight were largely under thirty. They were also largely socially inept. I’ve never seen a larger group of rejects in my life. I’m not even being mean – honest to God. These people were either morbidly obese or disgustingly thin. As a whole, they were generally dorky or dumb. In other words, there was a reason these people were single.

Naturally, I thought that I had just run across a poor site. I tried such sites as eharmony.com and match.com. Surprise, surprise: both were miserable failure. These sits lured you in with promises of a “free membership.� Once you signed up, you discover that they neglected tell you that you would have to purchase a “premium or gold� member ship package to either use the site beyond seven days or have access to members’ emails. Lame, lame and lamer. The plus about these sites was there was a larger pool of people to search from – as far as location, profession and age. A lot of the people on there were interested in one of two things: marriage or sex. I wasn’t interested in either right now, so I was shit out of luck. In their advantage, there appeared to be a number of attractive, seemingly normal people advertising here. I believe these sites were featured on some primetime television series – where men and women were followed on dates that they set up from the various Internet sites.

I tried one last site out of sheer desperation: adultfriendfinder.com – and Lord was I sorry that I signed on this site. This isn’t so much a dating site as a gathering of Internet perverts looking to get laid. The site is definitely not work-friendly. User pictures are usually naked hard-ons and fake breasts. You search people not according to their profession, but by their sexual interests [group sex, voyeurism, sodomy, ect.]. This site is absolutely vomit worthy and unless you are a closet freak, I would advise avoiding this site like the plague.

All in all, I found that there was a reason that most people subscribed to Internet dating services: they couldn’t find dates any other way. These people had to hide their deformities [physical and personality-wise] behind a computer screen. I’m not putting down those that have found success on the Internet; I just discovered this sort of service is not for me…at all. I’d rather be single than pathetic. And I’m not all that desperate yet.