I'm raising a GOOD teenager

I'm raising a GOOD teenager

Submitted by paintedladybug on March 13, 2006 - 8:09pm. raising children | teens

I am very proud of this post because it is about someone that I care very deeply for. My 16 year old son. I can say that I have made it this far, and I am very proud of what a nice young man he is becoming. Don't get me wrong, he's still a teenager. He still has an attitude with me once in a while. He still asks for money. He still breaks curfew every so often. He has been in trouble at school (even recently). When he was 14, the police called me about a potential fight about to take place that had been interrupted. But these are, sorry to say, normal happenings when raising teens. If they are not normal to you, then you must be raising a saint.
My son has made bad decisions. But what counts is what he learns from them. That he, in fact, does learn from them in itself. He walks with his head high. He's proud of who he is. He has had problems in his early childhood that left emotional scars. But he has listened to his parents over the years, and has carried the seeds that we have been planting. He cares about people and their feelings. He wants to help others. He tries to help himself.
I talk to many parents who's children are completely out of control. They ask me what my secret is. I have parents that compliment me on my son, and what a wonderful person he has grown into. That makes ME proud. When a problem arises, I talk to him about it. I lay out the pros and cons of what has happened. I enforce punishment. When he started hanging out with the wrong crowd, I've let him go and learn himself, that it's not a good idea on his own, with a watchful eye. I've always told him that he had to do something outside of school to stay involved. Sports, band, something-anything. It has kept him rounded. He played basketball through grade school. Now in high school, he's playing football, and is a great player. His self esteem shines in every play he makes. He has a job, working at a local Italian restaurant as a bus boy. His grades are holding steady since the 3rd qtr plummit, of which he has been doing since 4th grade. He drives with sense. He's at home at 10pm every night, except on work nights (10:30pm). He visits his grandparents weekly.

I believe that if you instill good things in your children, keep the lines of communication open, be consistant in your rules, choose your battles, and be the positive reinforcement in their lives, you will be truly amazed with the person that you help them develop into. I'm proud of my son.

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Good For You

Submitted by NASCAR Fan on March 13, 2006 - 8:23pm.

I, too, keep my teen busy. I think it is the best thing for them. It keeps them focused on other things and they don't get bored so easily and start looking around for some "fun" or "mischief."

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One word of warning

Submitted by o ceallaigh on March 13, 2006 - 8:58pm.

It is entirely possible to raise a well-behaved child without letting that child stumble and fall in the manner paintedladybug describes. If you put shackles on the child in this manner and then pride yourself on your child's good manners and perfect comportment, believing that This is Good, you are in for a fall. A very hard fall. Crede expertum. :(

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You're doing good!

Submitted by cgwriter on March 13, 2006 - 10:13pm.

You are doing a great job with a very difficult task, and helping your son to learn from his own mistakes within a guided environment. This is exactly the time for him to try out his wings.

If he didn't learn how to fall and then learn from it within your safer environment, he would be in for a much harsher fall in a much harsher world later on.

Good for you, and good for your son!

Now if ALL parents would just learn to set AND ENFORCE consistent consequences!

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o ceallaigh

Submitted by paintedladybug on March 21, 2006 - 2:24pm.

It is very true, what you have said in your comment. But please don't think that I am really trying to pride MYSELF. I am trying to pride him in my mind, to keep me steady in my decisions. After posting this entry, he of course fell, and he will continue to fall, but his learning experience will be one of support and understanding, along with guidance, patience, and love. Thank you again, without doubt, there wouldn't be questions to contemplate.

http://writingup.com/blog/paintedladybug

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If you have that in mind ...

Submitted by o ceallaigh on March 21, 2006 - 2:50pm.

... then, in my opinion, you'll be fine.

I have had direct, and sad, experience, with folk to whom any child misbehavior, or any departure of the child from the path (comportment, career, "place") set for him/her, was treated as a direct reflection/assault on the adult. Such adults respond with force, subversion, or blackmail, in a manner that gratifies the adult and destroys the child. Not to mention the child's parents.

Hence, and begging your pardon, my somewhat sharp remarks. I have the medical, and fear the legal, bills to prove my point.

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i understand

Submitted by paintedladybug on March 21, 2006 - 3:10pm.

I am sorry to hear about your experience. I can assure you that this is not the case, in any form, with my son. He and I were in an abusive relationship with my exhusband, his biological father, and I can tell you that I would never place him, or myself, for that matter in any type of situation that would be harmful, physically or mentally. It was a very hard lesson, but a lesson learned, none the less.

http://writingup.com/blog/paintedladybug

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You ARE my parents!

Submitted by realitycheck on March 21, 2006 - 3:28pm.

It's crazy how much you and my parents have in common. And I, like your son, have made my share of poor decisions. Like you, my parents would discuss the pros and cons of my decisions, but always ultimately let me make my own choices.
I thoroughly believe in this idea of parenting. I completely respect my parents for it too. And, like you say, my parents would always be asked, "What's your secret?!".
It's funny that you say you made your son pick "something" to do. As I had posted in one of my blogs, my parents were the same way. We all chose to play a sport, and in off season we could play an instrument, a different sport, join karate - anything besides sit around the house.
Growing up, my friends would often say my parents were crazy for always "forcing" us kids to be involved in some kind of recreational activity. Now I am 25 and married. My husband I own 2 homes, have two brand new cars and are happy. Meanwhile my friends whose parents never encouraged them to find a hobby are still living with their parents are in jail or dead...seriously.

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at least there are others!

Submitted by paintedladybug on March 21, 2006 - 6:50pm.

Thank you so much for your insightful comment! There ARE others out there that believe in letting your children learn with guidance and RULES!!! You are 25 and have learned why we do what we do!!! I don't care whether or not he likes what I say, as long as he understands where I'm coming from. I can be a total push over, but at the same time, there are rules to be abided by. He knows that. What parent doesn't have the "soft spot"? Thank you again, and good luck parenting your future children, it sounds like you will be a wonderful parent! And your parents should be very proud!

http://writingup.com/blog/paintedladybug

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