I have pondered what that statement means many times since I first visited Dublin and came upon it. Graffiti? No. A phrase whispered to me by a man in a trenchcoat as he passed by on a crowded street as code for me to pass the microfilm? No.

The phrase "If You Want A Pizza, Call An Apache" was written in red letters across a box at a pizza place near Temple Bar.

An ex-girlfriend and I had been in Dublin for several days, quickly falling in love with the city and the people. At the airport, we told our cabbie, an older fellow with bushy white hair who was "going to catch hell" from his wife for skipping mass, that we were going to The Clarence.

"Going to see Uncle Bono, eh?" he asked as the hotel is partly owned by U2's Bono and Edge.

"Is he around?" my girlfriend asked.

"Ahhh," our cabbie sighed, "he's probably trying to save the Middle East." It's hard not to fall in love with such down-to-Earth people and the Irish have always struck me as some of the least pretentious folks around.

Anyhow, we had gone to a small Indian restaurant for her birthday and, afterwards, a bit of drinking at a club called Zanzibar. We had returned late and had a few more drinks in our hotel room while watching a Bruce Lee movie when it was decided that I should go get us some pizza. Apparently, having to trek out for pizza after an evening of drinking is something I am genetically coded to do. (see #6)

I had remembered seeing Apache Pizza not too far from our hotel and found the tiny place packed. It was very late on a Saturday night and there must have been 100 amped up Irish kids in a space where more than 20 would have certainly violated the most liberal fire codes. U2's song "The Sweetest Thing" was playing on the radio and they were all singing along enthusiastically. There was something indescribably lovely about the scene.

I snagged us a pizza for take-out and there was the phrase, "If You Want A Pizza, Call An Apache," on the box. It was a mystery to me then; it's a mystery to me now. I pulled up their website to shed some light on the subject - nothing. Their slogan now appears to be "Too Many Cowboys, Just One Apache," which, given the history of Native Americans in the US, is sadly accurate (even if it does make a bit more sense from a marketing standpoint).

And the pizza? Well, I thought it was quite good. Of course, there is the need to factor in the universal law of food physics that holds all but the most vile pizza quite good after a full night of drinking. I don't understand exactly how that works any more than I understand why an Apache is the person to call if you want a pizza.

Maybe it's best not to think too much sometimes.

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