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I want the world for my children- what will the world give back to them?

Submitted by MGM on January 2, 2006 - 7:39am.

Sometimes I feel as though my life should revolve around my children. Sometimes I hate that. Sometimes I wish to God that I had waited to have kids, then I hate myself for wishing that. It is not that I don't like my kids- I love them, I adore them, I'd do anything for them- I just wish that I could live for me again. Not worry about cleaning up after them, not worry about feeding them, not worry about catering to their whims and desires. Mostly though, I wish that every moment of my life would not revolve around the idea that I might let them down. That, in some small or large way, I might not be a good enough mom.
I spend portions of each day in terror that something I do will break them, or harm them, or affect them. It's mindnumbing how often I worry about how they are growing up or how they should be growing up. I just want them to be happy and healthy- but how will that be possible in the world we live in?
Can they find happiness in today's world? It's hard for me to find it today, yet what will the future hold for them? Will they be happy? Will they find love? Will life let them down or bring them up?
How can I not feel terrified when I read the daily news about tragedy and despair? How can I not worry when I hear all sorts of stories about parents trying to do the right thing but something going wrong somewhere?
My son has some sort of sensory disorder. He's 21 months old and only recently started to hold his own bottle. He won't drink out of a sippy cup or regular cup. For the most part, we hand feed him, he only occasionally holds the spoon or fork. He screams when strangers appears. I don't mean it takes him a while to warm up, I mean he continually screams bloody murder until they go away. Yet, for all his problems and difficulties, the world lights up when he smiles. He giggles and laughs and everything feels all right again. He cries and I cry.
My daughter is 4 months old. She is happy. She laughs and plays and, one day, she will go off into the world and have to face life by herself. All I can do is pray that I've prepared both of my babies for life outside of mommy and daddy.

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IamTammy©'s picture

Hey MGM~

Submitted by IamTammy© on February 23, 2006 - 5:32am.

Ya know what?

Anyone that's not had a child of their own would say you're a fruitball.

But, you're not a fruitball~ you're a mom. lol

If you didn't care, your words wouldn't have been so nice about your kids smiling and laughing. You'd be like, DIE! DIE! DIE!

I said this in another post, and I'll say it again:

My mom told me before I had my only son, that being a mother was 80% guilt, and she was dead on it. Here if the kids are like, asleep and you're bored:

http://bloggerparty.com/burn_your_bra_or_burn_your_dinner

Your son isn't even 2 yet~ give him time. He'll warm up to people~ Before long, you can take him to a park, or a party situation where he can play. He'll eventually run into another one of 'his' kind, and he'll think, 'Hey, another little people thing like...............me.' Don't take him to them, let him go to THEM, and he will when he's ready~ kids are full of curiosity, and innocense. Get him on the far end of a swing when he's able, he'll have fun going up into the air, and when he sees other kiddies doing it, 'Hey, little people like........me'.

BUT~ then again, that's just little people I'm talking about, not the whole 'stranger danger' aspect, which right now, it's not so bad for him to not like strangers~ I'm talking about an environment that's monitored, not a free-for-all.

Ya know, I have camcorder tapes of my son from years gone by, and he's 17 now~ he would see himself in a tape and say, "God, Mom, I can't believe you let me DO that." And my reply? "Oh, I wanted to whap you for it, but the only thing that kept me from it was, if I started, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to STOP."

And there's a scene in the movie Mommy Dearest, where the little girl is getting the crap beat out of her with a clothes hanger. We were watching once and I said with a smirk, "Boy, you don't know how many times I've wanted to do that to you." And it's now become standard that when that movie comes on, I say that very statement at the very moment of 'hangering', after we say in unison, "NO.......MORE.......WIRE.........HANGERS!!!!!!!!!!"

It's easy to feel like pure hell when a kid is screaming at 23524 decibals, too. I have 2 words for ya: Ear plugs.

So you see, though you may feel guilt, there is a lot of good, too. And I promise you that one day, the bad times will be a distant memory, and they'll be fine. And so will you. Just don't allow them in your purse EVER, (You don't want to be driving somewhere and realize your cash is gone if you need a McDonalds' sundae fix) and teach manners and respect. The rest will come naturally~

And one more thing~ keep in mind, that one day, they're going to have kids of their own like we did. Just do what my mom did~ gramma buys a 3 year old the drum set at Christmas, along with every noisy crappy kiddy instrument coming and going.............and what happens? IT goes home with mmmmmmmmMOMMA!

heh~ paybacks are a bitch.

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