I made it through the holidays more or less intact. But I'm so damn tired of this routine.

I get attitude when I go see my relatives. 10 years I've been married, and I've seen my relatives about 5 times. Half of those are when they came up here, and the others are because I was told that I am delivering presents because my mom is too cheap to mail the things she buys. Nevermind that I've got other things I've planned. Nevermind that the cost in gas equals the cost of mailing them. I've even told her I would mail them at my cost. I was told that I should leave them at my MIL's house. Look, you social moron- two people who have nothing in common and don't know each other, being forced to meet because you are cheap is a social no-no.

Rule #1: I am not a mailman. If you're too cheap to send it, you are too cheap to buy it. If you want it delivered so badly, hire UPS or do it yourself.

When we do go over there, I get attitude from my SIL who called in the middle of the afternoon announcing that they were coming over that night. Sorry. I've got other places to be. Not just want to be, but HAVE to be. I have the guy who was best man at my wedding. He just met a girl, and is quite possibly headed down the same road. I would really like to meet the girl he's marrying. My relatives know that I'm down, and I have to spend time with them. An hour and a half in 3 years is NOT too much to ask, and anyone who acts otherwise is a jackass. But god forbid I miss the fourth night IN A ROW where beer after beer is popped open, someone tries to score me some pot (do I look like a pothead), the most meaningful conversation is what the weatherman on tv is telling us, and if you want better than that, you'd better take up smoking. It's bad when you start wishing football was on tv, but compared to Fox news, football is a fine art.

Rule #2: If you are going to get huffy when we don't spend time with you, at least give us a reason why we would want to. Sing, dance, or mime for god sake!

When we do get over to my aunt and uncle's house, my own family was rude. My daughter sat with us and talked, and she was decent at conversation. But my son was a little sh*t, and he got an earful in the car.

Rule #3: Spend Thanksgiving at home next year. Invite best man and girlfriend, although they probably can't make it. Surround myself with people whose company I enjoy. 'Cause God help me, I'm gonna need to score some weed if I spend one more year there.

What about it? Anyone in? There will be no tv, nobody will try to force pot on you, and I cook a mean turkey. :D