Sorta bad. Meaning that I do pretty good at playing the actual cards but I just can’t get the bluffing down. When I’ve got a really good hand I can usually follow through and win it. But if I’ve got a so-so good hand, I can usually get bluffed out. And half the time, I would have won the hand if I weren’t so easily bluffed. And sometimes I know a player is bluffing and winning and I get pissed and decide I’m going to take them down and then on the hand that I decide to go for it, they finally come up with a winner.

I think it’s just that I’m just not a good poker player. I do ok with Gin Rummy and with Blackjack because those games don’t require any bluffing skills. Games that require bluffing always seem to kick my ass.

I’m a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kinda girl. I like that in my life and I like that in my cards. But lately I’ve been learning that bluffing is more than just an essential skill for poker. It’s a skill that can make or break you in life.

I’ve been out of work for almost a year. I’ve done some temp jobs and I’m getting quite a bit of freelance work but I haven’t succeeded in landing a permanent, full-time job with a weekly paycheck and benefits. I’ve been wondering just what the hell is wrong with me. What do all these people that are getting these jobs have that I don’t have?

I have thought that it might be my age. And that is a consideration. While I’m not some doddering old broad that drools her way through the interview, I’m no sweet young thing, either. Whenever I run into my competitors, they are always 20-something little darlings who are just soooo impressed with themselves.

But I’m beginning to think that age is only a minor part of it. I’m beginning to think that the major advantage these little darlings have over me is that they are sooooo impressed with themselves. I think that exaggerated self-confidence translates into competence with the interviewers and this tired old broad just doesn’t make the same impression.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it is a bad thing that these younger women are, more or less, bluffing their way into jobs. If they are even half as good as they think they are, they will manage to perform the jobs satisfactorily. I just need to get myself up on a level playing field with them. I have to find a way to incorporate some of that same bravado into my own presentation.

I haven’t been out of work in over 15 years. I haven’t had to sell myself to anyone. Even when I was selling cable/Internet services, those things pretty much sold themselves. I just had to know the system, the contracts and the details, and I succeeded without really trying. After eleven months of rejections and eroding self-confidence, I find myself trying to learn how to sell myself and wondering just what I have to sell.

The art of the bluff. Is that what it’s come down to? Well, I’ve tried everything else. May as well give this a shot, too.