I Can’t Even Celebrate

I hit the polls right after dropping Nella off at school and was immensely pleased when the process took less than an hour ~ unlike other parts of the greater Los Angeles area! And, it was with pride and hope that I slapped on my “I voted” sticker and headed off to the shop. As I passed by our building, an older Black man sat on the hood of a car and asked ~ “Who did you vote for?”. I had already retreated into my head to further work out a scene I’d planned to start writing when I got back to the dingy flat, so I only absently replied ~ “Obama”. He smiled and nodded his head and said ~ “Ok. Good. Good”. And, the expression on his face ~ that look of hope ~ it shook me from my trance and I smiled broadly and asked ~ “What? Do I look crazy to you???”. To this he laughed out loud. I went on to further say ~ “Ya know, I really like McCain. He’s clever and funny and gracious, but he can’t be my President.”. The man looked at me and said ~ “I like him, too. But, no, he’d be another Bush and we can’t afford to let that happen”.

Later in the day I went out and bought a small cocktail that I’d use to toast the election results. Part of me was still a bit uncertain and therefore thought to myself ~ “Well, I’ll be toasting through tears of joy or tears of sorrow. Let’s hope it’s the former.”

I honestly expected that my night would run past midnight as all the votes were counted and the electoral college got their act together, so I had on headphones and listened to “scene appropriate music” while writing. So, it was just dumb, blind luck that I was taking the headphones off for a trip to the bathroom just as McCain was conceding at about 8:15 pm. I looked at the screen, gasped and threw my hands up to my mouth as he stepped up to the podium and began his speech. On a funny note, Nella sat bolt up-right in the bed when she heard me gasp and began frantically looking around ~ “What mommy??? Is it a mouse????”. I could only stammer ~ “No, honey....it’s.....it’s over........we have a new President..........”.

Now, I’d said previously that I had all the faith in the world that Obama would win and the two weeks that I campaigned for him (between jobs) I felt gave me an insight that only substantiated that feeling. The overwhelming number of people I’d stopped on the street throughout LA all were already decided voters in favor of Obama. But, still, things can change once a person enters that voting booth!

So, as I breathed a sigh of relief and thought how I could still make it to the school’s parent workshop thing in the morning (and not be a zombie from too little sleep!) I still vowed to wait for news of Prop 8. It was with real pain that I wasn’t able to work for them as well, but they were doing nothing but phone duty and I’m truly rubbish on the phone! If I’d been able to go out on the street and talk to people face to face as I’d done with Obama’s campaign, that would have been different. So, all I could do was encourage others by wearing my homemade NO ON 8 button (Nella had one, too!) and make my views clear to the people around me. And, as the first report came in showing the religious nutjobs were winning, I was really relieved that Nella had fallen asleep by then so she wouldn’t see her mother crying.

Today, November 5th, 2008 should be a day of joy and hope for the future. As I helped Nella get ready for school and the news rebroadcast Obama’s acceptance speech, she looked at the tv and proclaimed ~ “It’s Obama! He’s our new President!”. I could barely muster a smile. I’d envisioned that moment where I could sweep her into my arms and tell her how important this day was and how her mother has every intension to exercise her civil rights by letting our new President know just what’s wrong with his health care plan. I would tell her that with this President, my voice just might be heard! I’d envisioned the moment when I could hold her close and tell her that she’ll grow up in a country where finally at long fucking last we’ll follow our own laws! That thanks to the citizens of California coming together and doing the right thing, gays will retain the legal rights they are entitled to and the rest of the country will follow our lead. But, instead, all I could do was fight back more tears because we’ve just made it legal to break the law. And, despite the fact that the proponents of Prop 8 LIED continuously, the overwhelming number of voters either didn’t bother to seek out the truth or simply made their decision based on personal, religious beliefs ~ something that has no place in an election or the making of laws!

And, ya know, my resentment continues to grow! Here we had this Presidential election where Democrats and Republicans alike came together and looked beyond the color of skin or the fear of foreign religion, yet that same thinking couldn’t be put into play for this important law. We also have an enormous Black & Hispanic population ~ people who’ve spent their entire fucking lives being discriminated against for ignorant reasons and these same people didn’t have it in them to understand that they are perpetuating that very same prejudice by voting yes on Prop 8! Remember people, it was only two generations ago that we were not legally allowed to marry outside of our race and now you hypocritical FUCKS have simply replaced ‘race’ with ‘orientation’! You don’t just suck, you SHAME both of our races!

I am sickened and heartbroken and worse ~ have lost that feeling that maybe I could feel positive about staying in this country. McCain’s concession speech was moving to say the least, but when he said that we should all feel proud of our US citizenship, for the first time in years I really felt like maybe I could feel proud! It really wasn’t all that long ago that I would have been happy to give away my citizenship and when he used that verbiage, I really felt it. And, then Obama’s speech reinforced how far our country has come in 200 years. I still believe that we should have gotten here a lot sooner, but whatever ~ we’re here! And, high on that feeling I felt that there was no way Prop 8 could pass! I felt that our state ~ which was one of many to help change history ~ would go that extra mile to ensure that we were, in fact, out of the dark ages and had shed our moniker of “puritanical hypocrites”.

I mean, my knee jerk reaction was to move out of California out of spite and to send a message of my disgust. But, let’s be real ~ my tiny family moving wouldn’t even register as a ripple on the radar, so that leaves me with doing better. By being pro-active and fighting to let everyone know that this isn’t acceptable! By making my voice heard and making people understand that this isn’t about personal preference, it’s about upholding our own laws! It’s about NOT allowing a law to be changed due to religion! The very same people who allowed this to happen have family and ancestors who’d been legally oppressed and they need to be woken up and reminded of the very real fact ~ that they might not have the freedoms they enjoy now if laws EXACTLY like this one hadn’t been changed!

There is only one hope left and that’s the fight in the courts. I don’t know what I could possibly do to help, but I’ll be on it ~ even if it means being rubbish on the phone! And, furthermore, I’ve vowed to make a personal change to my resume and though it’s not something I’d ever wanted to do, it could very well help me immigrate in the future. And, that’s the plan. I’ll pursue this degree while also doing my part to over-turn this abomination of a law, but if in four years we’re still legally discriminating against our citizens because ~ like the son of Sam! ~ God told us to, we’re SO outta here!