Each year Christmas sneaks up on me. About Halloween, we start planning for our annual Thanksgiving trip. Because we are gone on Thanksgiving and recovering from it after we get back, most years we neglect the lights and decorations. This year is no exception. Sure, we always put up a tree and decorate it, but even this year we've missed most of the ornaments. Some are missing hooks and others are missing altogether; lost somewhere up in the attic amongst the things ready for a garage sale.

I did manage to find my Christmas windmill. (No, this isn't a sponsored post. It's there for reference sake.) I saw these a few years ago on what was probably the only episode of Martha Stewart that I've ever seen. You put candles in the bottom, light them, and the hot air causes the blades to turn, which causes the little figures on the different levels to spin around. Science lessons and Christmas- don't you love it?! This is the one thing that my kids ask for every Christmas. "Mommy, mommy! Can we light the windmill?" Most years, I find myself dreading it for no good reason.

It always seems like I have about one week to figure out what I'm getting for everyone, and another day to figure out that shipping is too damn high and I need to find something else. Every year, I swear that I will plan ahead and buy presents in September so I can take them with me on our Thanksgiving trip. And every year, I know it's a fantastic lie I tell myself. The one place in the states that has Thornton's toffee (the most mouth watering food on the planet) does not ship it except in the winter months. And because so many of the relatives lived in England and love the toffee, it makes a good present.

This year, everything came together quickly. I have already gotten everyone's presents. In fact, they are all wrapped and sitting under the tree. Usually, the kind of presents that they love on Christmas morning are never played with after that, which makes me wonder why I bother at all. The ones that are opened and quickly thrown in a pile are the ones that they come back to throughout the year. Everything has to be carefully planned. If my son gets a big present, my daughter has to have one too. Fortunately, he has *mostly* outgrown thinking that bigger presents are better. I have to get them the same number of presents, and they must be the same approximate dollar amount. And having to find ones they actually like makes all of this almost impossible. But somehow I manage every year, and found it almost easy this year.

This year, my depression has lifted, so there isn't the overwhelming hatred of Christmas commercialism. Instead, there's indifference. I don't NEED the lights to be perfect, or even turned on because I'm not clinging to the idea of having the perfect looking Christmas tree. I don't care if the presents aren't perfect. Every moment isn't planned, and I don't even know where I'm going for Christmas. And I don't care either. Somehow, Christmas will happen without me planning it extensively. When I say I'm ready for Christmas, it's more than just having all the right presents bought and wrapped. I'm ready to get up at 12AM because it's "technically Christmas". I'm ready to drink some cocoa, even if it means cleaning up some spills. I'm ready to spend Christmas with my sister, who I rarely get along with. I'm ready.