History of Bad Behaviors

A friend of mine told me to list bad behaviors as they come up at work.

So, that's what I'm going to do. There will be some cursing in this post because I can't tell him to go fuck off. I need the check and I have children to raise. So, I'll vent here... but I won't be there for long. I've been looking else where.

Yesterday, it was moderately calm there. No raging outbursts from king asshole.

From the start, he was abusive to one of the other employees there. I found myself, for the first time ever, being glad it wasn't me. I gave the benefit of the doubt in that I thought it was just a personality conflict. He'd cut her off when she was talking, after asking her a question, he'd complain no work was getting done, when he's the one who was distracting her asking her to do 3/5 other things.

He held onto her paycheck one day instead of giving her hers, and she said, did I get mine? I said yes... he had slipped it to me earlier (and I do mean slipped) ... like it was "something". She says to me, "I know what he's doing" ... Well so did I actually... this other guy I worked for a couple years ago used to pull that nonsense on me too. Hold the paycheck till later on in the day instead of mid day. And as an employer... you just dont forget those things. Funny thing about THAT last job ... he was sad to see me go... because I'd straightened him out. Matter of fact, his entire family at that last job was sad to see me go because since I'd gotten there, he'd calmed down considerably. Course we had a few blow out fights too. He was also verbally abusive. His own enemy.

Just like this guy is.

Anyway ... funny, I would go back to this other guy, but only for the money and to get out of this one. The only reason being is that he must still be calmer than this one. I hate that. His behaviors were bad too ... I was a nervous wreck working there. But it was less than this guys... this guy is equal ... but he makes everything your fault. The other guy, began to see the light after I ripped him a new one a couple times.

No, I don't feel special. I don't feel that was a major breakthrough because emotionally I was always a wreck.

Always waiting for the next special thing to set him off... just like this guy. This guy though, just comes out of no where... well, so did the other one...

Anyway, now and then this new guy will ask me something, when he's not busy barking orders, and I'll forget. So, I'm like I don't know ... let me look for you. No problem... BUT when they say to you... I gave this to you the other day, and you DO remember and they say...

No, You don't remember things, I gave it to you... and you say, actually I was already working on this (assuming your dealing with a rational person,you keep trying the "good" way of communicating and it doesnt' work) and he cut me off again and says... No, you just don't remember. WHatta fucker... Don't tell me! he says...

So we'll go back to day one... hell lets go in the middle... the other day, something was missed on a file, and it was from the prior woman who he fired. The one I thought it was just a personality conflict. So he had this 4 year old tantrum for about 5 minutes. Calling her a whore and how she's no good and how she fucked him by not knowing what she was doing ... Me, I started laughing... because way down deep a. I was glad he wasn't yelling at me... sadly... I've never experienced this one in my life! I usually go after people like this, like there's no tomorrow. None of this is acceptable. Fortunately I know that laughters a bad/good stress relief which is why it started. Because when he noticed the mistake, which I had to bring to his attention instead of just fixing it, he looked "at me" ... so I hit anxiety mode ... bracing myself for the inevitable bullshit that comes with it.

So... there you have it, my relief came out as hyper laughter because it was directed some where else. This guy has had I can't tell you how many secretary's. AND the other day this other attorney, called the office and he said, I sounded nice... I said, you sound surprised... he said that this guy was tough on his secretary's I asked him to say that again ... nothing wrong with a little validation... taht's for sure. No, I don't thikn this guy is going to go on my resume. Why? He's not going to have a good thing to say and he's a masterful manipulator so I wouldn't have anyone call him either for a reference. That'd be like job suicide.

ANyway... what else did he do yesterday. I'm documenting all this stuff so I have proof. For what? Well... we'll see... maybe he deserves a good lawsuit. I know one woman who was hired before me, lasted a week... and she told him to go fuck himself, they had a huge fight and she left. Good for her... ya know? GOOD FOR HER! The woman he was venting about above here, the one he was calling a whore told me about it before she got the boot.

He does things, like ... ask the other girl for things, while I've been asking him to go over some things with me that came in, and he ignores me. But he wants his work to go out right? I know that there's nothing SO pressing in that pile BUT if there is, and he misses it, or I can't get him to "sit" then... we all know, whose fault it will be because the guy doesn't take any personal responsibility for this stuff. None. It's YOUR fault all the time.

I had to do a motion the other day, I drafted it, he didn't like it... so he says to pull up another one. So I did... well, first he says... do it like that other one. I reminded him that it was for one thing only and not like this one. He said I was wrong and to print it up... so I did... mind you, he didn't JUST SAY I was wrong .... he brow beat me with it saying I didn't know what I was talking about ... I printed it and handed it to him... gee, I was right. I knew I was right. Did he say ... "oh, yah... there it is? ... No... not at all. Now I wouldn't mind if he was wrong and stopped the behaviors ... but it's a pattern of bad behavior that's just ongoing. He's right, you're wrong ... no matter what the proofs you have. And, that's the thing, I don't go and act all stupid over it. Like SEE? Muther fucker... you're an asshole, you forget shit too? No... I don't ... because frankly I don't give a shit, I just want it done and out the door.

So, what's the big deal over getting the mail looked at? Well, I'll tell you... if you don't get certain things out, HE FORGETS and of course it's YOUR FAULT for not getting him to sit down... but yet, he'll have nonsensicle conversations with tom dick and harry on the phone. THEN when he hangs up... he's like that guys out to get me, he's not good... BUT during his conversation with the person, he's all smooth and talking nice... saying stuff like "you're my friend" you know that... then he bad mouths them afterwards... like, none of us think that he's doign it to us.

I just want to do my work and go home. It's not that bigga deal... everyone else who comes in the office is impressed by how much things have changed. Mind you, the other woman who he fired, the one I thought was just a personality conflict at the time, while he spinned her head around like a top... used to stay really late at night to help do all that filing. Course, she didn't do anything... so while he told her to file, he, in the same breath... yelled at her for not getting her work done. His direction is not clear... so a person is busy doing one thing, then he bitches because something else hasn't been done. I guess... he thinks fear is a motivational tool.

The problem with this thought process is that eventually, while personally I started out making additional time to go in, now I don't want to give any extra than I have to. Why? Why would anyone give more time to a son of a bitch like that? I do my best while I'm there but... and he will pay you if you stay after 5...

that's another thing. He paid me for working ot and through lunch in the beginning but after that he said that you can't work that way, it has to be after 5 that you work in order to get paid. So ... he pays you initially... and then he takes it away in an attempt to manipulate you into staying. Nice right? I think that's pretty smarmy.

If I work late, which I haven't in a while... I don't say a word, I'm just still sitting there after 5 typing. He'll pay you... but I don't need him using my time "badly" I stay late in order to keep up my end on what's ALREADY piled up on my desk.

Not for him to monopolize my time by talking, which he'll do after hours ... ridiculous... I'm trying to get work done. I don't need that talk time. I need attention as to what he wants done. Which brings me to the fact taht he's not "clear" on things that he wants you to do. He told me to do one thing on something the other day, but it's the wrong thing. I had to call someone else to get the right thing. Which I don't mind ... but what? did he forget? What? He didn't pull the file? asshole... Course that'll be my fault too.

He's switches personalities so much that you don't want to even talk to him about something. Becuase it will be your fault. Because you should have talked to him sooner... course, we've covered that already, you ask and ask and he'll get back to you later. He's doign that on purpose mind you. Yes... don't make excuses it's a mind game. I know that for sure.

But that doesn't make it acceptable. Then you go home and you deal with your children. And you try to keep your composure when they do their testing games and test your patience. But you've exhausted all your patient on the big fucking baby at work. No, I dont get mad at the kids... but it's an effort not to just let them hav it when they start in giving you lip. That's for sure.

He makes digs at you... you're not getting any work done, why's it take so long to do xyz... what have you been doing all day. this moron thinks that if he doesn't have anything to sign all day that you've been doing nothing. File reviews, can take all day. depends on how big the file is. And course now... if you MISS something that'll be your fault too.

See... a lot of people think that they can take it, they should tolerate it, it's only a check blah blah blah... and I figured myself htat this crap would stop over time as he got used to me, but after the time that's passed right now... I know it's who he is and it ain't stopping any time soon. It's fun for him. It's a sport... always keeping people off balance and fucking with them.

If he sees filing on your desk, he doesn't consider that you were busy giving him stuff to sign ... and you'll do it later, or the next day... which is awesome to begin with because filing sucks up a lot of time. And the fact that it's done so fast is an accomplishment all by itself. So... you're really supposed to pull that extra 4/5 hours, plus his interuptions out of your ass in order to get done, what HE FEELS can be done in a day. Hello?

There's another person there, they take my advise as to things and they don't mind the game. And it is a game. But ... I mind. They say they like it... but me? I don't like that stuff... I never did. The head games and the yelling and that stand off shit... because this is that type of person who, no matter what you say or do, things can be calm for a while... adn then it starts all over again. You always, always, ALWAYS can't let your guard down. You can't because the minute you relax, it starts all over again. It's like radar... Oh, the staff is calm and laughing ... time to crack the whip. Me? I just shut down... because I know the alternative of shutting down is going to be to tell him to go fuck himself. So, I clam up... I did the whole try to talk to him ... in the begining but for what point? Why bother? And you know... I don't care if he thinks I'm weak or whatever or that he's winning... because AS SOON AS I find another job, I am going to tell him to fuck off. Well... maybe just not show up anymore. That would be so (immature) cool!

I left the other day to go home and he says, yah it's not like she got any work done. And for the first while I was there, I'd just laugh at him and walk away. I know better... I've been doign this work for quite some time. He's got excellent turn around time. But ... now, it's like ... fuck off. Asshole... he does it on purpose. Sure, sure I could deflect it like I "used" to but that was under the assumption that he was behaving like a 6 year old to test you for weaknesses... I was right, but that didn't mean he was going to stop. That was just an assumption on my part.

And every time he acts like an asshole, and today is thursday, he really blossoms on a thursday... a royal piece of shit ... I say, just a couple more months... just a little while longer so I can catch up... just ignore him and scream into a pillow all the obsenities this guy deserved...

Here's the thing, you could tell him to go fuck off because of his behaviors adn then LOOK HE WAS RIGHT! You're the one with the problem... that's how these types AND THEY ARE A TYPE PEOPLE ... of people act. I don't really care what the thinks ... but I don't need the added injury to insult either. What I want is OUT... and the sooner I find another job the better.

I have a friend who works elsewhere... I'm going to ask her again if he needs additional staff. I like her and we'd work well together. None of this verbal abuse. I asked her a while ago but I'd found another job alrewady and forgot all about it. I'll ask her again today.

See... it's like a game ... to him. His constant testing and poking and proding and bullshit that he dishes out. You walk on egg shells, you begin to doubt even yourself... you get that bone from people now and then where they say what you've done is good... which appeases you for a little while because it's GREAT to have the validation that "it's not you" ... you know it's him but the wear and tear on your mental and physical health... it's too much work. It's way too much work.

I would advise, anyone who is dealing with a bastard like this to find other employment. Yah people dont' like change but ... it's either that or suffer the emotional consequences of working with a prick like this.

And he's soooo well respected. Right? Yah but those people don't work there, day in and day out... they only see his good behavior side... THIS IS a good thing to keep in mind if you see "good" behavior towards others and then he shifts when he gets back to you. Becuase it's all an act. All a farce. ... and if you want to take the job on of unraveling that mutha's mind... hey, more power too you.

Pay attention to what your body is saying to you too.

With the one boss above, I developed a twitch, it's back. It's stress related. My left side is consistently somewhat numb from nerves, which is new because in the past it was my lower back ... I've never experienced the hair going up on the back of my neck but that sensation has been happening to me too... which, wow... that's weird. My head feels hot but only on the one side, which is still all down the left side of my body.

We're talking about a lot of supressed emotions here folks. I used to just let the person have it! and then I didnt' suffer from any of these other things... the constant anxiety, the dread going to work on a monday, the dread as the week goes on and I know it's only going to get worse by friday... hell just writing about this makes the twitch start. You have to watch this "good behavior/bad behavior" pattern... it's them. The longer you stay the longer you validate that it's not you. You see how this works? YOU keep trying to find new and innovative ways to work around asshole's outbursts but they don't stop ... do they? NOOOOOOO... they do not. So if this is the only person in your life that you have this problem with... how is it YOU ... how could it always be YOUR fault... Hmm? Think about that for a while.

I'm not of the mind to assume it's me or like when I was younger becuase there have been hotheads in this field when I was younger, but I thought it was me... maybe I'd missed something I didn't know or something. Looking back now... I understand that it wasn't me ... I'm grateful for that... I've looked a little bit into other fields but ... I have to tell you that my confidence in my ability hearing negative and bad things DAILY and a couple other instances make me feel like... I can't do it. I HATE THAT ... Other people's bad behaviors making me feel like... and I fight it mind you, I don't buy into this stuff ... but it just chips away at you... It's THEM it's the FIELD and it just takes it's toll... it's not right... THEY aren't clear and it's YOUR fault... fuck that... it's not true.

So not only are you fighting yourself not to tell this asshole to take a flying leap but on a dialy basis you hear negative things and it chews away at your self esteem... you try not to allow this to happen but ... it seeps in there anyway. AND THIS is regardless of hte PROOFS you have that YOU KNOW you are doing okay... You do, because you saw how it was when you started, you see how much has taken place for the good since you started...

He also takes things away and shifts them to others as well... which is good, but that's on purpose to. To make you feel "less than" ... he intentionally ignores you... the other person says "you have to remind him..." really... so, what they hell... maybe they saw or knows something different ... fine. So, I do.. and he'll shut me down, tell me to do something, and then will go over to their desk and go over the things over there. Don't anybody DARE say it's me... because I know it's not. It's a head game... it's a mind fucking head game ... and I hate to say it, but it works... because while I try to dismiss it what will happen if that doesn't get gone through is that it will be my fault. I'm supposed to remind this guy 9-10 times that he has mail to go through.

Now when he talks smack, I just ignore him but ... the other day there we are nose to nose... and I'm like ...What the fuck and I doing here... and the other side of my brain says... just a few more months... just until you find something new... I hate that. I completely and totally HATE THAT SO MUCH!

It's like being trapped in your own life and you can't get out. What amazes me is just how many people tolerate this bad behavior.