With your shifty eyes and your upturned lip. As I sit here poised on my owner’s head. I’m a wig that knows you are staring at me. Sensitively placed, if you please. Watch your gaze and your sleeve.

I have feelings too. I know you think I look stupid but it is not really my fault. I was made this way. I’m a laughing stock! It is not surprising considering I make my owner look like a lego man.

Sometimes I talk to my owner’s knitted toilet doll Suzy but she never talks back. Damn b*tch! She is so stuck up. I have feelings and thoughts and I plan to share them with you here.

For Example; I know George Bush wear's a wig. His name is Charlie and I met him once in a bar in Maine. Charlie has it tough. His owner Mr GW has no time for Charlie. He is too busy playing the play station or having sleep overs with his friends.

I can’t talk to my owner either, you see. He’d probably keel over and die if he knew I could talk. “A sentient wig�, he’d say, “where’s my pills?�

We aren’t the best of friends me and he. Parades me round for all to see and I just wanna hide because you see I’m a wig that knows you are staring at me. As he moves me round to fit his cranium, I’m struck by the pointlessness of my existence…………………………

Who am I?

Why am I here?

What is my purpose?

Cos I’m just a wig that knows but nobody knows I knows.

If you knew I knew would you laugh.

If you knew I knew would you create a draft and watch and laugh.

I see you pointing as he bends over to tie his laces. I see the hope in your squinty eyes. Willing me to fall to the ground. I hold on tight. I have serious biceps. I work out at the gym every thursday.

Cos
I’m the wig that knows you are staring at me and I’m here to share my world.