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Funny Santa Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o The 3 stages of man:

He believes in Santa Claus.

He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.

He is Santa Claus.

o A man went to his psychiatrist and said...
"What's wrong with me? I'm afraid of Santa."

The psychiatrist said...
"You must be Claustrofobic."

o According to the Alaskan Department of Fish and game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers 'till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen had to be a girl.

We should've known! Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and NOT GET LOST.

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Funny Santa Joke #2:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o Why does Santa always go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!

o Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays?
At a Ho-ho-tel!

o What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday?
"Freeze a jolly good fellow!"

o What does Santa put on his toast?
"Jingle Jam"

o What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

o An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill. Which one picked it up??
Santa! The other two don't exist!

o What do you do if Santa Claus gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him!

o What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time!

o What do the elves call it when Père Noël claps his hands at the end of a play?
Santapplause!

o Why does Santa like to work in his garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

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Funny Santa Joke #3:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
Sandy Claws!

o Who delivers presents to dentist offices?
Santa Jaws!

o Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
Elephanta Claus!

o What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning?
Crisp Kringle!

o Why does St. Nicholas have a white beard?
So he can hide at the North Pole!

o What do you call Santa when he has no money?
Saint "Nickel"-less!

o What smells most in a chimney?
Santa's nose!

o What does Kris Kringle like to get when he goes to the donut shop?
A jolly roll!

o What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Father Christmas?
A rebel without a Claus!

o What is invisible but smells like milk and cookies?
Kris Kringle burps!

o What did Santa get when he crossed a woodpecker with kleenex?
Rapping paper!

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Funny Santa Joke #4:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o What does Santa like to have for breakfast?
Mistle-"toast"!

o Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?
Because the presents won't take themselves!

o What does Santa use when he goes fishing?
His north pole!

o How do we know Santa is such a good race car driver?
Because he's always in the pole position!

o What is twenty feet tall, has sharp teeth and goes Ho Ho Ho?
Tyranno-santa Rex!

o What's red & white and red & white and red & white?
Santa rolling down a hill!

o What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?
Looks like "rain", "Dear"!

o What's red and green and flies?
An airsick Santa Claus!

o How does Père Noël take pictures?
With his North "Pole"-aroid!

o Why does Santa's sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side!

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Funny Santa Joke #5:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!

o What kind of motorcycle does Santy ride?
A "Holly" Davidson!

o Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
The North Poll!

o What's red and white and falls down the chimney?
Santa Klutz!

o What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney?
Cinder Claus!

o What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish!

o Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
Because he is an elf-made man!

o What goes oh, oh, oh?
Santa Claus walking backwards!

o How many chimneys does Saint Nick go down?
Stacks!

o What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobic!

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Funny Santa Joke #6:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o What would you call Father Christmas if he became a detective?
Santa Clues!

o Who delivers Christmas presents to pets?
Why, Santa paws of course!

o What’s red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Sandy Claws.

o Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

o What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

o Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

o What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

o What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

o What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

o Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!

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Funny Santa Joke #7:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
It was wound up already.

o What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Forty feet of track - all straight!

o How do you know if reindeer have been in your refrigerator?
Hoof prints in the butter!!!!

o Why was Santa’s elf depressed?
He had low elf esteem.

o Why were the reindeers unhappy
Because it kept raining

o What’s the difference between teachers and Christmas candy?
People like Christmas candy

o What’s Rudolph's favorite Comedian?
Adam Santler

o Who is Santa's favorite comedian?
Adam Santler!

o What is Santa's favorite comedian?
Drew Carry

o Where does Christmas come before thanks giving?
In the dictionary

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Funny Santa Joke #8:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o Why does Santa love to garden?
Because silly he gets to Ho, Ho, Ho in it!

o What Nationality is Claus?
North polish

o Where does frosty keep his money?
In a snow bank

o What nationality is Santa?
North Polish

o What do you call a deer on a sleigh?
A reindeer.

o Why did Santa go to the South Pole?
Because wanted to cheek out the other pole!!!

o Why is Rudolph’s nose so bright?
Because his mind just lit up.

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For More Funny Santa Cartoons Visit :
o AsianBrainCartoons

Posted in funny cartoons | funny jokes | funny people | funny santa abcartoons's blog | | | | 63 reads

Submitted by abcartoons on March 25, 2008 - 9:10am.