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Funny Horse Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

What animal has more "hands" than feet?
Why, a horse, of course!

What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
A tale of WHOA!

How long should a horse's legs be?
Long enough to reach the ground.

When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.

Where do horses stay in a hotel?
In the bridle suite.

What did the waiter say to the horse?
I can't take your order. That's not my stable.

What's the quickest way to mail a little horse?
Use the Pony Express.

***

Funny Horse Joke #2:
(Contributed by anonymous)

A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen.

He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?"

He yells. No one answers. "All right, I’m gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain’t outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas."

He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town.

The bartender walks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to bloody walk home."

***

Funny Horse Joke #3:
(Contributed by anonymous)

What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?
Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

What did one horse say to the other horse?
The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane.

What are the only animals to sleep with their shoes on?
A horse, of course!

How many horses have three legs?
They all do!

What breeds of horses can jump higher than a house?
All breeds. Houses don't jump.

***

Funny Horse Joke #4:
(Contributed by anonymous)

An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road.
Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny. The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out.
So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper.

Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull."

Benny didn't move. Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger."

Still, Benny didn't move. Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard."

Benny just stood.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull."

Benny pulled the car out of the ditch. The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."

***

Funny Horse Joke #5:
(Contributed by anonymous)

"Will I ever be able to race my horse again" the owner asked the vet.
The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you'll probably beat her too!"

Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
He was the last of his race!

Did you hear about the depressed horse?
He told a tale of whoa!

Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day?
He fell in love with the Grand National winner!

Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in?
They had to pay the jockey overtime!

Girl: We have a mayor. Do you?
Horse: Sure!
Girl: What do you call it?
Horse: Same as you do. Mare!

How do you go about hiring a horse?
Try two pairs of stilts!

How do you hire a horse?
Put a brick under each hoof!

***

Funny Horse Joke #6:
(Contributed by anonymous)

This story takes place in a big pasture, filled with all different kinds of horses. A question has just been asked amid the herd: "Who can open the gate?" Here's what they say...

Lipizzaner: "No need for opening it! When are you all going to learn how to fly?!"

Thoroughbred: "Let's wait for the gate to open - when the bell rings!"

Paint: "Yeah, what he said! Na na na na na na!

Arabian: "You'll have to get somebody else to do it. My nails aren't dry!"

Quarter Horse: "Maybe if I push on it with my hindquarters, I could open it?"

Standardbred: "Pity on all of you. I'll figure it out. Just give me some time."

Polo Pony: "Wait a minute ... let me get my stick and give it a few whacks."
Shetland Pony: "Let me at it! I'll break the stupid thing and then you all can get outta my face."

Mules: "Oh, let's just pack it in and call it a day."

Saddlebred: "Now, now. I'll open it, if someone could help me with my shoes!"

Friesian: "I'll do it! But do you think it will mess up my hair?"

Mustang: "What's a gate?"

Belgian: "Step back! You all aren't strong enough to do it. I'll do it. Oh, but what if I break it?"

Morgan: "There, there. I'll do it for you. No need to have such a big fit. Peace be with all of you. Is there anything else I could do for you after I get done with the gate?"

Appaloosa: "Oh, hush all of you! Ya big bunch of sissies. No one is leaving 'till I say so."

Percheron: "I already opened the gate while you all have been arguing! I even went down the next row and opened all the other gates. So it'll be a while before I have to listen to all of you argue again!"

***

Funny Horse Joke #7:
(Contributed by anonymous)

A blonde decides to learn and try horseback riding assisted without any experience or lessons.

She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

Out of sheer terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.

She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Todd, the Wall-Mart Manager, runs out to turn the horse off.

***

Funny Horse Joke #8:
(Contributed by anonymous)

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said...

"Who owns the big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do...Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver.

Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'."

***

Here is other funny Horses’ link cartoon
- Asian Brain cartoons

Posted in animals | Cartoons | Funny | humor | jokes abcartoons's blog | | | | 96 reads

Submitted by abcartoons on March 8, 2008 - 3:06am.