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Funny Birthday Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

The positive side of being an oldie:

o You’ll never have to endure those harrowing visits to the dentist again.
o You’ll save a fortune on shampoo.
o Your hernia operation will make you a star at the local pub.
o You will look distinguished with your receding hairline, double chin and wrinkles.
o You have survived the humiliation of middle age.
o You’ll no longer have to suffer the disappointment of thwarted ambitions – you no longer have any.
o You can finally sell those dreadful diet and exercise books that have sat unopened on the bookshelf for years.
o You’ll be the champ at history questions in the pub quiz.
o You can embarrass your family by entering glamorous granny or good-looking grandfather competitions.
o You don’t need to make an effort anymore – people will expect you to be frumpy, boring and cantankerous.
o Your failing memory allows you to convince yourself that you’re a super sex machine.
o You’ll be able to talk incessantly about the good old days.
o Your failing eyesight saves you the anguish of seeing your disintegrating body.

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Funny Birthday Joke #2:
(Contributed by anonymous)

Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner.
Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked...
"A bottle of wine?"

His employees replied, "No."

Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid...
"A bottle of scotch?"

"His employees replied again, "No."

Finally the boss asked...
"I give up. What is it?"
His workers responded, "A puppy."

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Funny Birthday Joke #3:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They were all born on holidays.

o What type of cake is used for birthday cake in heaven?
Angel food cake.

o Did you hear about the maple tree's birthday?
It was a sappy one!

o When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
They both get sliced.

o What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for her birthday?
I don't know, but you better hope she likes it!

o What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
“Hi, Buster.”

o Why do you put the candles on top the birthday cake?
It's too hard to put the candles on the bottom.

o What birthday party games do rabbits like to play?
Musical Hares.

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Funny Birthday Joke #4:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
“Oh, I don't know, she said . Just give me something with diamonds.”
That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.

o My wife refuses to use Inter Flora for people's birthdays.
She says she doesn't think people would like margarine as a present.

o My Husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color of his eyes.
But where can you find a bloodshot tie?

o What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake?
"Hey, what's eating you?"

o Did you hear about the flag's birthday?
It was a flappy one!

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Funny Birthday Joke #5:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
Next time, take off the candles."

o What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?
"Happy Birthday To Gnu!"

o What do you give nin-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!

o Why did the wife not put birthday candles on her husband's birthday cake?
It was not that she did not want to make him feel old, she wanted to save the environment.

o What do birthday candles and the Buffalo Bills have in common?
They get blown out on the same day every year.

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Funny Birthday Joke #6:
(Contributed by anonymous)

A fellow was talking to his buddy, and he said...
"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said ...
"I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way that she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."

So the fellow did.
The next day his buddy asked, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," said the fellow.

"...And did she like it?" His buddy asked.

"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!!!"

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Funny Birthday Joke #7:
(Contributed by anonymous)

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said.
"I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

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Funny Birthday Joke #8:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.

"Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice.

"You folks need all the practice you can get."

o The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday.

"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.

"You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise."

o Brendan Behan told the story of how he got a job in London with a street repair gang. The first job he went to they were down in a hole singing Happy Birthday around the foreman...

"Is it the foreman's birthday?" asked Brendan.

"No, Brendan. It's the third anniversary of the hole."

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Funny Birthday Joke #9:
(Contributed by anonymous)

A husband went to buy a birthday gift for his wife. Some friends had been invited over that night to celebrate her fortieth, and he wanted to get something special. At the store he spotted some cute little music boxes. One blue one was playing "Happy Birthday." Thinking they were all the same, he chose a red one and had it gift-wrapped.

Later, at dinner, he gave it to his wife and asked her to open it.
When she lifted the lid, out came the tune to "The Old Gray Mare, She Ain't What She Used to be!"

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For More Funny Birthday Cartoons Visit:
- AsianBrainCartoons

Posted in Funny | funny cartoons | funny celebrations | funny jokes | humor abcartoons's blog | | | | 83 reads

Submitted by abcartoons on March 18, 2008 - 7:56am.