“Hey dude! C’mere! Check this out!"

“Chicks or money, dude?"

“Alright, then, don’t check this out. See if I care."

“Can’t take the chance, dude. I still remember when … Whoh-ah! Dig that buzz cut! What’s he want?"

“Thinks that parents should live by the Ten Commandments. Their kids, too."

“Yes sir! Permission to breathe sir! Who the hell he think he is? Charlton Heston?"

“Carl the howmuch�"

“Charlton Heston. Played Moses in this old movie."

“Oh. Him. I thought he was the Rifleman."

“Wrong guy. And that was TV."

“Way before my time, dude. What’re you doing watching TV anyway? I thought there was a commandment against that."

“Not on the list."

“As if you’d know what the list was."

“What?!? You think I’m as dumb as you? Dig this, dude. You will have no God but me."

“Jeez. What’s God think I am? His wife?"

“Not a pretty picture, dude. No, wait. You won’t make any pictures of me. So much for the wedding album."

“You’d think we were still in California or something, dude."

“You wish."

“Yeah. I do. Since you’re the one that talks to O Ceallaigh, do me a favor next time you see him?"

“What?"

“Kill him."

“Can’t do that, dude. There’s a commandment against it, remember? But it’s number 6, and we haven’t gotten to number 3 yet. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord."

“I thought that was Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain."

“I ain’t takin’ it anywhere, dude. I got my own. Or at least I did. I think."

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, dude."

“He had Japanese rice wine in his liquor cabinet??"

“He didn’t have any wine in there, dude. He wanted some, he just snapped his fingers. Remember?"

“Oh. Yeah. Beats working for it, I guess. Especially ‘cause he wouldn’t have to worry about working on the Sabbath."

“What day is that anyway? Saturday or Sunday?"

“Doesn’t say. Could be Tuesday, for all I know. And what’s it to you? I’ll worry about your day of rest when you show me a day of work."

“What are you, my mother?"

“I might get some respect if I were."

“Have we got to kill yet?"

“Yep. In fact we have. And if I was afraid of you, it’d be just in the nick of time."

“Now there’s a picture. If it’s allowed."

“And ‘not allowed’ is going to stop you? Spill."

“Father Time cutting himself shaving."

“Ha, ha. Maybe he had a hot date. More than you’ll ever get. I just hope she’s legal. ‘Cause, it says here, you shall not commit adultery."

“Dude?"

“Mmm?"

“Remember when Frank found out that Annika was seeing Dustin?"

“How could I forget? I ain’t seen such drama since we were in kindergarten arguing over finger paints."

“Yeah. So how come they call it adultery?"

“Hey, that’s almost good. Where’d you steal that line from? You’re not supposed to steal, you know. You’ll have to give it back."

“Yeah? Well maybe I made it up my very own self. And there you are, standing there running off at the mouth with your rules and bearing false witness against me."

“You should be flattered, dude. Means I’m coveting your sources."

“Sheesh. Good thing I don’t have a donkey for you to covet."

“You don’t? What’s that you’re sitting on, then? And no, I ain’t coveting it. No wonder you can’t get a date."

“Dude?"

“Yeah?"

“That number 6. It make any allowances for extenuating circumstances?"

“No."

“Well ain’t this just your lucky day! Riddle me this, then. How big a bonfire can you make with a decalogue?"

“Big enough to roast a dude. Trust me. Haven’t you got a pay blog to write or something?"

   - O Ceallaigh

Copyright © 2006 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.

All opinions are mine as a private citizen.