“Dude! What did you do with the shampoo this ti… yeACK!!�

“Yes, dude? How can I help you?�

“Je-HEE-sus! You practicin’ for a role in a splatter movie or somethin’?�

“I’m smilin’, dude.�

“Ah huh. Man, that ray would wipe the Matrix. Do me a favor. If that’s your smile, go back to scowling. It’s friendlier.�

“Can’t do that, dude.�

“Whaddaya mean ‘can’t’? Your face stuck or something? Want me to unstick it for y… Oh God, Blogger Maestro’s found another masterpiece, hasn’t he?�

“Right for once, lefty. And you’d better read it, too. It’s all about managing your anger.�

“Riiiight. And this is going to tell me how come you’ve been stalking around this place the last three days looking like you were about to try to conquer Iran single-handed?�

“I’m responding to life with a smile. Just like it says. I’m trying to radiate happiness into this dump. Sorry you can’t recognize it.�

“And this is going to tell me where all these pictures of Shakira came from all of a sudden?�

“She reminds me to calm down when I’m confronted with irritations I can’t control. Dude.�

“She’s going to calm you down?? With that picture? Whatever herbs and spices you been smokin’, dude, change the recipe. And the least you could have done was use a photocopier that still had toner in it. I suppose this will explain the GameBoy too. And why you never answer my questions.�

“It’s something to do to keep my mind off people who piss me off.�

“What you got to be pissed off about? You don’t talk to me anymore, you wander about wearing a grimace that is almost poisonous enough to fumigate the place, day after day you drive me nuts trying to figure out where you left the shampoo, or the remote, or the beer, and you’re pissed?? Next thing I know, you’ll be pacing the floor in an orange smock, chanting Aum and lighting incense.�

“Over there, dude. And there. And there. I was just about to strike the match …�

“NO, dude!! You can’t do this to me, dude! You light that [censored] incense, you’ll set off the [censored] smoke detectors!! I am not going to go through this again!!�

“Try and stop me, dude.�

“OK, it’s your funeral, dude.�

“Yeah, you and what air force, dude? Bring it!�

%$#@&^*@!*%%$#@&^*@!*%%$#@&^*@!*%%$#@&^*@!*%%$#@&^*@!*%

The friends and fans of Dude and Dude will be pleased to know that the boys are resting comfortably, in the same hospital rooms that they were in the last time this happened, just a month ago. Their physicians are hopeful that they will be well enough to be released in a couple of days.

Next time: Dude and Dude Look For Health Insurance

   - O Ceallaigh

Copyright © 2006 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.

All opinions are mine as a private citizen.