“Dude! Back already? What happened to that hot date?"

“Got shot down, dude."

“No shit, dude. Update the webpage for the latest no news. Didn’t live up to your blog again, eh?"

“Never found out, dude."

“Whaddaya mean, ‘never found out’? You left here in plenty of time to get to her place by 7. Surely you were there long enough to at least talk to the chick."

“Ah … not exactly …"

“Not exactly what?"

“Well … um … I got there late."

“Late? Like, how late?"

“Well … er … I was going through the village … and … you know that computer game store? The one that’s always closed, like everything else here in goddam Maine closes before sundown? Well, tonight it was actually open, so I went in … and I guess I stayed longer than I thought …"

“So when did you actually show up at this girl’s place?"

“… around 8:30 …"

“Eight flippin’ thirty?!? Then what?"

“Man, she lit into me like I was the bonfire at the pep rally. I’m late. Every boy she dates is late. Damned if she’s going to waste any more time waiting for me or any other goddam boy to comb the hair, or wax the carrot, or whatever the hell else we’re doin’ other than being where we’re supposed to be when we’re supposed to be there. And then she slammed the door in my face."

“Jesus, dude! I’ve been sitting here watching this old movie where the chick keeps her date waitin’ and waitin’ and waitin’ ‘cause she’s powdering her nose or something, and you drag yourself through that door and tell me that you kept your chick waitin’ and waitin’ ‘cause you couldn’t get your nose out of a Game Boy?"

“They had some gnarly new releases in there, dude."

“What, to wax your carrot by? At least you saved yourself some gas money, I guess."

“She didn’t want to be seen in my car, dude. We were going to take hers."

“She was going to let you drive her car??"

“Ah … no."

“Yeah, I don’t trust your driving either. OK, where were you … um, where was she going to take you?"

“Christopher’s."

“Christopher’s?!? And what mountain were you planning to move to pay for that??"

“She was payin’."

“What the fuck is happening to us, dude?!? Could we possibly get any more fucking useless??? What’s next? We go out on dates wearing pink tutus and lavender lipstick?!? With chicks in tuxes??"

“I got us a new PlayStation DVD, dude."

“Get out of my face!!"

   - O Ceallaigh

Copyright © 2006 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.

All opinions are mine as a private citizen.