“Hey dude, I’ve been looking all over for y… oh, no!"

“MOO-HA-H… Hey, come back here, dude! Where you goin’?"

“Somewhere safe, dude. And far, far away. Like Afghanistan, maybe. Where I don’t have to listen to left-handed laughing cows. ‘moOO-HA-HAAAarrgh.’. Man, that was old before Dudley Do-Right could tell the difference between Nell and a horse!"

“He could?"

“Yes, Snidely, he could. How else could he figure out that he preferred the horse? So before you get started tying distressed damsels to train tracks, stop it already. OK?"

“What’re you pickin’ on me for? ‘MOO-HA-HAAA’ seems good enough for Bob here."

“Yeah? What about Bob?"

“Yuk-yuk-a-doo-duck, dude. This Bob. Calls himself Evil. And he don’t tie no damsels to no train tracks. Though he does some pretty hard tyin’, if you catch my drift. Heh heh heh."

“Do I really want to see this?"

“Chicks, dude."

“Dude, this is Houston. Live action wanted. With something other than capital murder in her eyes. Not photon torpedoes. Especially ones with seven inch heels. Ha! Any clue where you’re going with seven inch heels?"

“Penthouse?"

“The Comedy Channel. As in ‘splat on your face’. You ain’t even standin’ up in those things, dude! Never mind walkin’ in ‘em."

“She’s about the only one on this set that’s doin’ any walkin’, dude."

“Yeah, dude, I see that. You got any idea how much people who do this sort of thing for a living get paid?"

“Enough so you’ll let me go ‘MOO-HA-HAAA’?"

“No, but close."

“Well, then, I want in, dude!"

“What, you want to turn this whole blog to stone? Besides, these folks are working for scale. Bloggerparty scale."

“Which is …?"

“You looked at your AdSense account lately?"

“But think of all the keywords! Though I haven’t seen anal sex in here yet …"

“Don’t give this guy any ideas. He’s close enough to having his donkey flagged outa here by Admin as it is."

“But that would be censorship, dude! … er, what’s that?"

“My insect collection. Saved it from high school."

“No wonder you bug me so much!"

“ROFL. Not. Tell me – which of these two do you like better?"

“Ugly buggers, ain’t they? That one. It’s a little cuter. ‘Course there’s not much in it either way."

“Perfect, dude. You just picked the lesser of two weevils."

“Du-UUUUUDE!!?!"

“Hey, who started this? Now would you sleep the computer and give me a rest? It’s past your bedtime."

“Mine?? …"

“Yo, O Ceallaigh!"

“What?"

“Y’know, I know I’m one of your chosen people, you give me life and all that, and I should be grateful and I am … but … do me a favor?"

“Hmmm …?"

“Next time, choose someone else?!?"

   - O Ceallaigh

Copyright © 2006 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.

All opinions are mine as a private citizen.