A divorcing couple is lead into court. The judge peering over his bench says, "Mrs. Johnson, can you please tell the court why you were caught stealing from your former husband."

"Well your honor, the attorney told me that I can get everything this lazy asshole owes me: money, the house, the car, everything. When I went over to see if he was holding out I found that he still had food."

"You stole food from Mr. Johnson? What did you steal?"

"A can of peaches."

The judge scratched his head and said, "I cannot look the other way on a theft, no matter whom you steal from. How many peaches were in the can?"

"Three."

"Fine. Then I must sentence you to three days in the ccounty jail. Mr. Johnson, do you have anything to say?"

"Yes your honor, she also stole a can of peas."