Different Ways to Date ...

If you'd never learned any different ways to meet and date someone, then how would you know to change what you're doing?

Take me for instance, in any realtionship that I can think up, it went pretty much like this, meet, talk all the time, they'd call me I'd call them and then we were boyfriend girlfriend.

Now, if I"d had a running list of things or a clue what I was looking for in a relationship, that would've cut down on alot of the people that I'd dated in the past.

Some could say, well she didn't have a good sense of self esteem. If that were true, really true, then I wouldn't have broken up with people after I realized that I didn't like them either. :)

My problem was that I'd like a person, based on looks alone or ... if they were funny (because a person's only funny for so long really) then who they really are comes out later on. And women need (as I did) to wait a little while before investing themselves emotionally. Meaning, before they have sex with this guy, because the sex creates this illusion of intimacy that isn't exactly the right "kind" of intimacy. There's the honeymoon period by the way which lasts 3/6 months. After this time frame, people usually start going back to their daily routine and feel more secure in the relationship.

So, for me, I learned that whatever I was doing "before" meeting this guy? I was going to need to "KEEP" doing afterwards. Say I always went to the gym on Monday night and he called that monday to ask me to go to dinner. The response should be "No thank you, I have to work out tonight, but I'm available Plah day... " that works. This is what taking it slow means. I feel like you have to have enough going on in your life as an individual with your friends nad things of your own to do, vs. fitting your life into the relationship.

Alot of people, myself included, do this. Be all enamoured of some new person and guys do this too by the way ... you know, "she likes me! He likes me!" LOL and past the attraction and the sex, they don't think about who that person is... if they're nice, if they're someone you'd want to spend time with. After the drinking glasses come off of course. Alot of people can look pretty good on the inside (as a person) through beer goggles. HAHAHA! Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't a "lush" or anything but we all used to go out, drink beer, hang out dance etc., that was just what we did. From when I was younger up until my late, late 20's.

I mean, I could meet a guy, and then w/in the first 2 weeks, which was par for the course, it was all new and shinny and he was on good behavior etc., and I'd sleep with him, and then like... a couple weeks after that, I wasn't all that interested in who "he" was. The sex part of these relationships never bothered me until many years later. It just never occurred to me that I was doing things backwards because that's what I'd well... learned previously through my various experiences. It wasn't that hard to fall into a pattern like that either. Especially since "no body told me" either LOL :) I mean that just seemed like what people were doing. Hooking up, and then duking it out later as to who was who or if we were going to get along "after" all that attraction wore off.

huh... right? But sadly, I never caught onto that. I'm not saying, don't be a sexual person or enjoy sex. Not at all. I mean, men are just yummy, if you know what I mean. If you're senses are sensitive like mine are, if they smell really good too? That's like... you're skrewed LOL :) They look good, they're on good behavior and hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... they smell good too? Wow ... that's like putting a dish of fresh made stew in front of a starving German Sheppard, if you get my meaning!

If you add a little alcohol to the mix, like going on a date and not being a lush mind you but, the shifting of your senses where you're inhibitions are a little bit lower, your judgement may be more clouded, which is directly related to your alcohol intake ... you can miss some pretty obvious signs about a guys personality just blinking your eyes.

I also, and this is important to keep in mind as you go along, guys or girls for that matter... I also realized that I "just did not know" what I was doing wrong okay? So, this affords you a "get out of jail free" card. You didn't know, but "NOW" you have the opportunity to go over what YOU want in your life and use all your life experiences to "never make those mistakes again".

A woman, knows she's sexually attracted to a man within the first few minutes of meeting him. It's just that simple. If I wasn't attracted to him he could have been a millionaire and that just wouldn't have mattered. I wasn't attracted to him and POOF no go man, it ain't happening.

See?

Now, I'm not saying that I slept with any of the fella's I dated to get them to "like" me... although I probably gave into chuckles when I never should have. I think that's largely placed on not having someone to talk to about it. I don't know about you but talking to my dad about losing my virginity or thinking that I could find an adult at that time to help me decide to give in or not, JUST wasn't something that occurred to me.

I had the whole "how to" dating thing all screwed up really. And how did I know any differently? I didn't. I mean, wasn't it supposed to be, I liked them, they liked me and POOF relationship? uhm... no.

It could work that way I guess, if you're fortunate enough to meet someone you do really like through a hobby or something you do and you know them for a while as to what kind of person they are. But I never did things that way. I was ... I guess I was pretty aggressive myself. If I liked a guy I told them. Plain and simple. If I wanted to sleep with him, and sometimes a few times in there where I didn't want to but got caught up in a sticky situation, the old thought process well... here I am in his room, we're talking and how is it that we're now having sex? I know, this sounds pretty naive too, but it can happen. Then later youre like, now... why did I sleep with this person?

ugh... and it wasn't about getting him, and I do have a particular person in mind too, to "like" me either. One thing led to the other and then afterwards I was like... euw... now I did that because? Hello in there!

There were other times, like one time I had a guy roommate and he had moved out, leaving me in charge of the house really, I had a few beers too many and he'd always had a crush on me. Since one night stands weren't my thing and I'd feel like a piggy if I'd slept "around" "knowingly" LOL ... I called that boy up and guess what? We had sex...

BUT!! what did I really want? What I really wanted was someone to talk to. But since I hadn't learned enough about myself up until that point, that the closeness I was looking for was talking and maybe I needed a "hug" not "sex" to feel better... I had sex instead. It was pretty funny, he said to me at the time, So, you just wanted to have sex and that's it? LOL :) I said, Yup... he said so you used me? I said, Yup! :) LOL ... he laughed and we stayed friends. Not a problem at all. That was actually kinda cool.

You know that it didn't turn into some kind of drama. And, really, since I'd known him for I think like 2 years at the time, it wasn't me being a "bad girl" remember I'm a good girl who just didn't know any other thinking process, it was cool.

I never felt emotionally hurt by it or anything, we didn't hurt one anothers feelings over it or get all psycho or any of that stuff I"m sure some of you may hvae experienced either. I didn't have one night stands, I had ... oh, it's been a while which one of my guy friends would I like to play with. ? :)

I never had any regrets in that arena. I mean it was cute and innocent and we both had fun... good clean fun really ... If a person can "do" this and not get emotionally attached and no one gets hurt, sure... I think that's okay. But if you're looking for "MORE" I'll tell you... what made these couple of times that I did have sex with a guy friend "better" was that I "knew" him for up to 2 years "prior" to having sex.

Which made it "better" because we cared about one another already and I knew what kind of person they were... same applies for when you date a person.

You don't have to toss them down on the floor in the first two weeks. And hey, some people do that and things work out fine. Okay then. That's terrific but that's not the way I went about things. I went with attraction first then realized I didn't like "who they were" as a person, and then booted them. Yup... I did the booting. And I tell ya, after finding out what they WERE really like, booting them wasn't really a hurtful thing either.

What I could have done differently, as I'm saying here is to wait and see if I LIKED THEM enough to even WANT to have sex with them.

Course, at this point, I had a healthy appetite for sex, that's not a bad thing at all. I think it's healthy. You add having a keen eye for something that I am attracted to or who combined smells good and is a great kisser? (Remember I like kissing :) that's just evilly good LOL) I was kind a doomed. You can even add beer goggles and not knowing what I was looking for as well. You can add that it wasn't hard, being attractive to find that replacement guy or a standby guy to fill or bridge the gap for me? Pffft... this isn't rocket science folks.

Stuff just happened and I'd never thought about it.

The problem with this was, what I didn't realize was that after I while I wasn'tn having any fun either. It was one person after the other. And I ... I began getting tired of meeting these people and getting involved with them and then it wouldn't work out after I'd sleep with them becasue I got to "know" them after that and ... emotionally... I was shot. I really was.

I had no clue what I was doing wrong, after all finding a guy wasn't the problem. Right? Right... Finding a quality guy who "I" liked was.

But because I was putting sex first, getting to know him "last" on the list of things I was looking for in a person ... I was consistently letting myself down. Funny how that works huh? yah I think so too.

More later. :)