A few days ago, I pulled up the web site for MSNBC and was greeted by the sullen mug of Dick Cheney, looking as grim as ever (has there ever existed a more dour and joyless human being?). Accompanying the photo were headlines, promises of dire consequences directed at Iran. My first reaction was that he was considering taking the country hunting, but I immediately dismissed that idea as impractical. Really, I know that they do manufacture some obscenely large SUVs, but one that could hold an entire country...not yet.

On cue, Iran offered up their reply and it doesn't seem as though they would go hunting with Dick or have interest in spending any quality time with him whatsoever. Instead they promise "harm and pain," conjuring in my mind the image of Mr. T in "Rocky III" growling "pain" in response to a reporter's request for a prediction on his title fight with The Italian Stallion.

Maybe I'm not taking all of these events as seriously as I should, but it's difficult when the major players behave in such a fashion that, if they were characters in a movie or book, critics would likely dismiss them as one-dimensional or formulaic. Dick seems hellbent on proving that he has the biggest...uh...cajones on the planet. We get it - you're like Shaft if he hadn't been such a girly man. What gives? Did this guy get beaten up for his lunch money on a regular basis as a child?

Of course, I do realize it is mostly posturing meant to play well with the fan bases of the prospective combatants but does anyone else shake their heads as you watch these two behave like two five-year olds (with apologies to most five-year olds) arguing over a juice box when the stakes are considerably higher. Now might be the time for thinking outside the box.

In the meantime, perhaps I should enforce a news blackout upon myself, have a juice box, and rent a copy of "Rocky." After all, Burgess Meredith proved that you could be crusty, cantankerous, wise, respected, swear like a sailor, and still be lovable.

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