Today seems so stressing for my husband and me. At this time we depend on food stamps until we can get ourselves together. We haven't received anything for the month od December or January and it seems the casworker is not working fast enough to get our benefits. She said she was waiting on my husband ex-employer to call to verify the last day of employment. We are struggling and i'm tired of that. I want to be someone and make my kids proud of me. Yesterday the woman from the massage school called me and talked to me about going to school there. She said that i can do payment plans and that they really want to give me a chance to graduate. It sounded so wonderful, but there is something in the back of my head saying will i succeed. I haven't been sleeping so well diary for i worry too much about the future and where all our lives are going. I'm also having these current dreams of tornados and big missiles coming out the ground. What does that mean diary? Is there a big change in the future good or bad? I have the strangest dreams of of giant monsters and crawling mutilated flesh. What does that mean? I just don't know. Maybe i'm psychic and just can't interpid them. Once long time ago as a teenager i was sitting and all of a sudden a picture like a tv screen came in front of my face and i saw myself on a thrown dressed in nice jewelry and people at my feet bowing to me. Maybe i was a queen from Egypt, because i surely feel lazy all the time and want someone to do things for me. But diary i wonder when will the bad depression come again, the kind that make me want to scream and hurt myself. It's a million things running in my head. I'm sad, because my favorite cousin is in jail and she have to be there for two years. The devil is working and he is working to destroy people's happiness. I wouldn't mind getting back on my depressant, but it make me feel funny and i really can't sleep. I need something that is gentale to my system. I'm really really tired of being a depressed woman, I should be happy and doing what the American woman do, like shopping, going out with nice friends, going on a romantic vacation or cruise with my husband.. My life needs to be successful and i have to make it successful.