I watched Sunday's episode of Desperate Housewives last night on the DVR and the ending nearly tore my heart out. If you haven't seen it yet, you may not want to read further!

As I watched Gaby break down when Lily's birthmom came back to claim her, I realized I made the best choice I could all those years ago. When I was 21, my husband (then boyfriend) and I discovered that even perfect Pill and condom use has a failure rate. We were in college, broke, and both still had a couple of years to finish.

I called my parents and told them. By the next day, the decision had been made by all of us to terminate the pregnancy. I felt unable to raise a child at that time, though had I been supported in that plan by my parents (they pushed for the abortion) I would have absolutely gone that route...most likely getting married and raising the child with the man I eventually chose to live my life with anyway.

Adoption was never even mentioned. I think my parents were afraid they'd be humiliated and me being visibly pregnant and then giving up the baby was too much for them. I knew it wasn't something that I could do and watching DH last night simply underscored that. It is a great and very viable option for many, many girls. But I could NEVER have given my baby up to someone else. And if I did, I would have ended up being one of those people who goes back and asks for their baby before the adoption is finalized. I couldn't do that to myself and I certainly couldn't do that to a woman who desperately wanted a baby and felt that I held the answer to all of her prayers.

I have spent my entire life wanting to be a mother. Yes, I was scared when I saw those 2 lines, but strangely excited. My hopes were dashed when my dad told me he wouldn't support me in any way if I chose to have this baby. Without family support, it was simply not going to be possible. I don't mean support in a monetary way, I mean the emotional support that EVERY mother needs, no matter the circumstances. I'm just not that strong. So call me weak, call me selfish, call me a murderer...just know that adoption, while a beautiful, wonderful, amazing option for some is not the answer for all.

While I regret my decision, I know I did the best thing I could do under the circumstances. And if my scared daughter ever comes to me and tells me she is unexpectedly pregnant, I will support her in ANY way she needs it...whether that be keeping the baby, giving up the baby, or deciding not to have the baby. I wish I'd been given that. If I had, my life would probably have been very different. I'd have an 8.5 year old now. While I feel the loss of that baby in my heart, I know in my head that I made the decision that was best for me. And that's all any of us can do.