I speak from my own experience and I too was one before marriage, heck I believe that's when I got pregnant with our son was on our honeymoon. At least that's what we like to say. I'm glad I didn't with every boyfriend I had.

Oh wow...I didn't know y'all exhisted! Just kidding. I was far from a virgin when I married the first time and even further from being a virgin the second marriage but I have been married for almost 12 years and plan on staying with this one, who also was no where near a virgin. I believe it would be nice for both GIRLS AND GUYS to stay virgins until marriage but I don't think it is as feasible as it used to be. I do think peer pressure on todays teens is far more than their parents dealt with as teens and God is not in much of todays society and being pushed further out everyday. Even the fear of horrific VDs and getting pregnant isn't enough to stop most teens from having sex. I have only ever known one woman that was a virgin when she got married and within a few years was always asking me 'what it was like to be with other guys'. Perhaps sewing ones oats is just part of our nature, even at the top of the food chain we are still animals. As for getting biblical we do have free will given to us and having sex outside of the marital bed is not a deadly sin although now-a-days it might lead to death...perhaps it's just part of human destiny? Anyway, stay a virgin if you can is my thought, no more no less.

I was asked about this once - by a young lady, high school junior, who bemoaned the "fact" that she was the last one. I was greatly saddened - because I had reason to believe she wasn't too far wrong, and that her being right wasn't much good for any of us.

I happen to accept the idea that virginity, and other sexual mores, have little to do with Biblical injunctions and much to do with human circumstances - in fact I think the Bible follows human experience, rather than the reverse.

As I've written before, I think "virginity", and its corollary "fidelity", stem from two fears: children and disease.

We have lessened the fear of children because of the various pills and devices we use to try to have our cake and eat it (so to speak) too - and also because of the social structures we have put in place to be sure that the child borne outside of marriage, and its mother, have lives. The (relative) freedom from this fear is less than 50 years old (dating, essentially, from the release to market of "the Pill" and the concurrent advances of feminism).

We have lessened the fear of disease, also thanks to pills and devices. The (relative) freedom from this fear is also less than about 60 years old, dating from the release to market of penicillin. There might be a few old farts out there who remember that, before about 1960, no marriage went forward if both partners didn't pass the syphilis test. AIDS would not be the problem it is now if it were not for the complacency that arose from our belief that, in terms of sexually transmitted diseases, penicillin or one of its derivatives would fix everything.

It is a well-known tenet of animal population biology that the combination of crowded conditions and promiscuous sexual practices is very very bad - either disease or drought/famine wipes out the population. And the loss of inhibitions that takes place in humans due to repeated exposure to sexual circumstances - either directly or through the media (which people then try to copy in their own lives) - just makes matters worse. Or haven't you looked at your health insurance bill - or the costs of going to a physician without health insurance - lately?

So - "Christian" morality be damned. There are perfectly sound reasons, grounded in nature and human biology, to value virginity and fidelity.

I'm sorry but in my opinion, you must have sex with your man (or woman for that matter) before you get married. To me, sex is an integral and important (but not the most important) part of a relationship. Imagine marrying someone only to find out they are crap in bed?? Worst nightmare! Then that leads to huge divorce rates! So I'm all for sex before marriage thanks!

The whole "no sex before marriage" thing is a relic from the 18th century, and a lot of the evangelists who preach it undoubtedly had plenty of rolls in the hay before their marriage. When it comes to religious types, they tend to say one thing then do another anyway.

missmaster I almost died laughing when I read your post! (even though my foot hurts)

And I quote: "Imagine marrying someone only to find out they are crap in bed??"

AhHem...been there done that. And I have survived crappy sex for 12 years and counting. Honestly it's gotten better with a little guidance to the hubby but still borders on the 'eh' level.

How good or bad sex is with your partner is for me (appearantly) not THAT important. To throw away an otherwise wonderful relationship because someone sucks in the sack (no pun intended but I did it anyway) shouldn't be the determining factor in the relationship. I feel unless one of you has some horrible disfunction that can't be helped in any way, shape or form that bad sex can be fixed with simple TALKING about it and even, for more open couples, direction. Don't forget, sex is a two way street (or more LOL) your partner might think you suck just as bad!
JMO.

12 years? Wow! Well good for you. Of course you are testament to the fact that there are always exceptions. I think it's wonderful that you have a good relationship with your man despite the not so great bedroom activities. And yes it can be a work in progress, as long as both parties feel up to it (gulp!). I just think that some of the magic in relationships comes from the chemistry between the sheets. Not disregarding the chemistry elsewhere of course. Oh crap am making dogfood of this! I guess I think that sex is an important part of a relationship. It all depends on the individual to decide whether or not it's something that can be worked on or not. Congratulations to you though!