Throughout the night I have staggering dreams of my childhood. I dream that I am back in high school, in grammar school, only the world looks to me as it does now - gray, confusing, worthless. I try to forget my dreams as soon as possible and lie awake unmoving in bed.

When I finally do get up, I take a drink to help me forget. I feel better and walk around the apartment in a daze. There was a note sitting on the table next to my bed.

"Today is Monday, the ninth of January."

What the hell does that mean? I thought. It must be important if I had taken the time to write it down. I sat on the worn leather chair and put on the television. There was a man in a suit talking but the words were coming so fast they all seemed to blur together. Monday, January ninth. You've got to go to the post office. That's it. I turned the tv off.

One more drink and I'll go. I drank and started looking for my coat. It was gone. What the hell did I do with that thing anyway? It must have been stolen. Stolen while I was sleeping alone in bed comfortably. I went to my door and looked at the lock. It was still secure. There must be some other way in.

Stop thinking about that. You're being crazy. Nobody's stolen your coat. Oh yeah? Then where is it? Just because you've lost it doesn't mean that someone has stolen it. But I didn't even leave the house yesterday. Sure you did. Where'd I go? I don't know... somewhere.

Well, if I'm going to get this package I'm going to need to walk, and it's cold outside. I better have another drink to warm me up. I poured another drink and took it down. I was feeling warmer and the lines of the room started to blur together and everything was okay for a couple of minutes. I put on an extra sweater and went out the door, careful to lock it behind me.

My neighbor was coming out from his door.

"Alan," I said. "Alan. Did you see anyone enter my apartment last night?"

He murmurred some response that sounded like no and went away. Well, he wouldn't have seen anything anyway.

I walked along and was feeling comfortable. In my hand I had the note to remind me where I was going in case I forgot. It was Monday, January ninth and I was going to the post office to pick up a package. What's in the package? Hell, I don't know. Then how do you know you're supposed to pick one up? I'm supposed to pick up a package every Monday. And how do you know that? I just do. It's ingrained. It's something I can't forget. Like I where I went to school. Where did you go to school? Shit, I forget.

I got to the post office and was waiting in line. The person behind me kept about six feet away. When I got to the glass I asked for a package.

"What's that, sir?" the man said politely. His eyes were saying something else.

I told him again that I needed a package.

"I can't understand you, sir. Can you speak up?"

I handed him my driver's license and said, as clearly and as audibly as I could, the word "package." Everyone in the post office was staring at me. For God's sake, look at somebody else you freaks. Haven't you ever seen a man come to pick up a package before?

Bewildered, the man behind the glass went away and came back with a small cardboard box. I quickly signed the paper and went out of the post office, carrying the box under my arm.

On my walk home I stopped twice for drinks and nearly forgot to bring the package with me. It would have been gone if the bartender hadn't run after me down the street and handed me the package.

"That's not mine," I said.

"Sure it is. I saw you come in with it."

"Alright, then," I said, and then I remembered how everyone stared at me at the post office and about the package.

When I got home I was feeling very drunk and decided to keep it that way. I put the package on the table next to my bed and sat down in the living room with the television on and the bottle of vodka in front of me. Later on I was feeling euphoric. Aside from that business of the stolen coat, today had been such a good day, feeling smooth all the way through, from the time I woke up to that excellent feeling I've got right now. I didn't worry one bit today and now all I need to do is go to sleep. Better do it before something happens and the day is ruined.

I went to bed with the package on the table next to me, still unopened.