Online Dating - The Truth About Lying

If you are familiar with online dating or just thinking about jumping into the Internet dating pool, you should understand that virtually everyone lies about themselves. That is everyone except you, of course. But why is this and what can or should you do about it?

What is an Online Dating Lie?

First let us be clear about what exactly constitutes lying. An untruthful response to a direct question is a lie, such as stating your age to be 5 years different from what it actually is, or describing yourself as financially stable when actually you recently declared bankruptcy. To the extreme, stating you took six months off work to rediscover your inner self at a retreat instead of admitting that you were in a rehabilitation center is also lying.

So there are different degrees of lying, some considered almost harmless and others potentially dangerous, especially in the online dating world. But there is also the omission or withholding of information when a question is presented to you. Technically, if some one asks you a question and you do not provide an answer it may not be considered a lie. But when exchanging messages online with a potential date match, it can and usually is.

Why People Lie when using Online Dating Services

Let's face another truth; the majority of the population does not possess the body like that of a fashion model or the wealth of Donald Trump. But we usually want to appear better than we actually are in order to attract that special someone.

Doing this is not so easy in real life, but is seductively simple in an online dating forum. You may wish to boost your self-esteem and increase your chances of a successful online dating match by excluding certain negative aspects about yourself. But by doing so you could actually be doing exactly the reverse.

You may think, so what, no one can discover the real truth unless you decide to reveal it to them, right? This may be partially true, but only if you never choose to actually meet them in person and pursue a relationship. Do you see anything wrong with this strategy? The whole point of signing up with an online dating service is to meet someone and establish a fulfilling and rewarding relationship, at least for most people.

When you actually meet your online date in person they may be surprised at your physical appearance or your personal history after some conversation. They will then realize that your online dating profile or message exchanges were not truthful, even if you consider that you have only created a few little white lies. Once this happens your potential match will likely disappear and you may have possibly lost a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Understandably, you may not wish to reveal the complete truth about yourself online, at least not in the beginning. But you may also desire to present yourself honestly, even perhaps with your online dating profile. There is a compromise you can follow so that you appear both honest and appealing, without lying.

The Whole Truth in Time

In the beginning stages of any relationship, online or not, most people want to appear their best, act their best and not reveal the worst aspects about themselves. However, as a new relationship progresses, each person becomes willing to reveal more about themselves because they become more trusting of each other.

You will ask them a question and they likely respond with a reasonable answer and then they ask you another question. Ideally you respond in kind and truthfully to the degree of trust that you feel comfortable with. This repeats over time until you reach a level reserved for those that are truly in love and reveal most everything about each other, warts and all. And yes, like it or not, any great relationship will almost certainly reflect both perspectives.

It is not simply a question of lying online, but more related to gradually discovering the other person as they must discover you. If you do this gracefully over time you will not have to lie, except when you reach the point when you are lying next to each other, instead of to each other. That is the whole truth and nothing but the truth about online dating.