Life Story - Dating Lack of knowing, mistakes

I'm writing this because I think, if there are some young girls on here or older women, perhaps still making the same mistakes in their relatinoships it may be helpful.

In highschool, I was a plain Jane. My mom had died in a car crash at 12. Not that I think she would have been ooberly helpful in the dating arena, she was kinda mean. Not to me but, I don't know what my brother and sister did to deserve what they got though. yeesh.

Anyway. I had this little fella I liked who was our paper boy. His mom was white and his father was black. My parents didn't like that mixture too much and I don't know what ever happened to that. I'd actually run into him later on at a skating rink and kissed him but that was only because I could. Go figure. He'd told me many years later that he still had all my letters. Of which I really don't remember. He's married now which is cool and in hindsight that's pretty good we didn't get together because we don't really know what our life holds for us, and while I've been through alot, I don't think that I'd change anything.

So, in Middle school, there was this boy, David B., I met him at a boy girl party, where I didn't know I was supposed to have a boyfriend there, nor did I have one so I was the lookout. Everyone else in the room was making out. Cept me. LOL Oh well... but Dave took quite the shine to me and a week or so later he broke up with this girl who threw the party to go out with me. I don't know how that happened really. But it did. I wasn't allowed to date until I was about 16/17 by the way. For saying so's sake. Anyway, we used to sneak and see each other, he happened to live a few blocks up the road from my BFF (Best Friend Forever) so we used to all get together and he and I and who ever she liked at the time would neck. Neckings still fun, I hate that guys have forgotten about necking. Anyway... Meaning that they go "right for it" but we'll get to sex later on in all the posts I'm going to make.

Dave was a good kid really. He taught me how to drive stick. Well I'd learned that in NY State at a friends farm but ... (digression) My dad actually did let me out with Dave when I was about 16.5. Anyway, my BFF moved to Florida and she had started to date dave w/my blessings. Okay that's cool.

Oops! (expect this to be scattered it's been a really long time. Dave broke up with me to go out with this girl Sue S., I think then we got back together after that too because I was cool about it. After all we weren't having sex. I didn't do that until I was 18. Necking was just fine with me.

Somewhere in here I went on a date with this guy Chris S., he turned out to be an alcoholic and I booted his weird butt really quick.

There was another guy Eddie who I'd dated when I was about 16 or so who used to pick me up from school and drive me home, we'd neck in the car LOL :) Hey! I told you, we necked alot back then. Course I'm sure in the car wasn't the bestest place to neck but I highly doubt my dad wouldn've been pleased to catch us. Gawd that'd been awful.

Now with Eddie, we got back together on and off for ... my goodness ... over 20 years. In the end though we broke up because he was still immature and smoking pot and was really really jealous. I could see why though, And that's for another story though years down the road.

So there was this other guy Sean when I was like in 10th grade who I'd dated and I used to sneak downstairs to the phone in the basement to talk to him till all hours of the morning. He'd come and pick me up from school and we'd all hang out. BUT turns out he wasn't just "seeing" this other girl I'd heard mentioned, he was her boyfriend. My, my such drama at 16 huh?

There was this kid when I was about 13 I think or 14 Edward P., I did steal him away from the girl up the street. At that age, I couldn't honestly say that I knew what I was doing either. That of course didn't turn into much because he lived some where else.

For the most part this is all just a preface to what not to do in dating and I'm reviving all of these things to put them to good use for someone else. Hopefully they can learn a few things about what "not" to do.

Okay... lets see. The guy Chris S., while he nagged me for sex I talked to this older guy Kenny (I was 16 at the time) and Kenny S., was 28 years old. Since he was older and friends of the people me and the next door neighbor were friends with, I figured he was okay to hang out with.

So, I'd told him about Chris nagging me for sex and Kenny said he'd teach me a few things. I thought he meant about "dating" not sex. Anyway, I went over this fella's house and found myself in the uncomfortable position of kissing this guy, who promptly began what he called "teaching" me some things. We didn't ahve sex but all that kissing and him being all over me when I wasn't even remotely ready for that wasn't ALL that cool. So, I didn't know what to do about that. I never did tell anyone about that. Well, my BFF at the time, but that was it. AFter all hadn't I gone to his house? And "I" sure didn't want to get into trouble either. Yeesh.

So, needless to say I just stopped going there. AND talking to him too. Weirdo.

OH! There was this kid Biagio I liked him and one day we got caught necking behind this church? LOL "by a nun" and he was attempting to get his hands some where down under and I was busy trying to figure out why. :) HEH... what? I had "no" idea.

Lets see... ooop, forgot about Glen. Glen was kind of a psuedo boyfriend and I'm sure as I write this I'll come up with more thoughts and inserts, but my goals here are to write it all out and then write something else out telling young girls or even some women stuck in a particular patter what "NOT" to do.

Okay, Glen was 19, "excellent kisser" and I was, I guess ... 13/14 years old. His brother Billy liked me but I liked the older fella. Actually LOL Maybe years later Billy grew up to be quite the stud muffin (damn! hahahah!) Glen and I got caught kissing by my dad's friends and I wasn't allowed up there anymore. That's a shame... he was the brother of this girl Suzie I knew.

My god, a whole lotta kissing and likin of the boys goin on huh?

Man this is some trip.

Okay, SO! there was this boy Tim that I liked Tim O' (I'm not going to use last names) but he found out I couldn't date and poof, that was that. Then there was this guy Al, he liked me at the only party I was allowed to go to but then this girl Denise who he'd been after all year saw that he was interested in someone else and that was that. He got the girl. Later on down the road I found out he was really sorry about that becuase he sure got what he paid for with "that" one" LOL hahaha!

Seems I can't really go in chronilogical order ehre because I'm remembering more and more. My, my I was a busy young girl. My dad wouldn't had a FIT !!!! ha! Oh boy...

After my mom died I went to summer camp that year. Learned "how" to kiss. There was this little fella, well we were like 13 and he hadn't grown yet, his name was Jeff E., (wow, and I thought I had a bad memory huh?) he ... I think taught me how to kiss. It was actually quite cute because we thought french kissign was gross. Until paul came along and we kissed the right way. The only time I ever kissed a guy with another girl who kissed him after me was that summer. That boy was a pig in shit I tell ya. Well, I wasn't allowed to date and Paul dumped me (so to speak) for his girlfriend who decided she wanted him back.

THEN interestingly enough he showed back up saying he was in love with me. I said it back to him once but I wasn't too impressed about saying it, because I didn't mean it so I called him up and took it back. :) This was, I think when I was like 14 I guess? Now, he called me again when I was like 18 years old and I had a boyfriend, the fella Eddie I talked about earlier (I was FINALLY allowed to date) but I only met with him to let him know what he'd missed ... LOL :) Evil girl right? yah, I guess I was in that instance.

Dave B., showed up some years later again too... when I was about 18.5 or so. The boyfriend I had at the time says I thought you didn't have any one come to the house! LOL oopsie... I totally had forgotten. But that idiot didn't buy it. It was the truth though.

Okay lets see... I was still enamoured of the one guy Sean for such a long time. Even on my graduation like, I guess 2 years later, I was in tears over this fella. He'd finally dumped that crazy girl he was going out with and like a butt went out, got drunk and hooked up with lifesucker number 2. Interesting how these patterns go isn't it?

So, lets see. I saw Eddie on and off. We just couldn't seem to not run into one another but he was busy getting sex from other girls and I wasn't givin it up at the time. So, at one point, I'm skipping too fast here. Okay... I dated also, my manager at Roy Rodgers, his name was Bill something. Figure I was 17 and he was 26.

Yah, what a disaster. He tried to get into my pants too but in this instance I just cried. Because sadly this reminded me of the incident with the guy Kenny from above here when I was 16. Which I didn't realize at the time.

Think I should have been involved in some sport or something? :)

He was ... euchy actually. I still get a euchy feeling thinking about that one. blegh... gross.

Lets see... there was this other boy Bill who was kind a weird who I'd dated who worked there. I didn't think he was weird at the time but his dad caught us necking (how shocking right? "me" necking? LOL) and then my dad caught me driving him home one day and the boy didn't work there anymore and I didn't bother to go see him either.

I dated then, this guy Al who was working at roy rodgers. he was a sweet guy and I almost had sex with him but my friend T., used to show up and ring the doorbell LOL "right at that moment". So that never happened. Al wanted to get married (this is a different Al then the one at the party I got to go to.) So, he wanted to get engaged, I'd teased him about my having to settle down and he said "YES" well... that was that, you can't exactly speak to me in that authoritive voice at 17 and think I'm actually going to buy into that can you? Nope... SO! For my high school graduation I was playing with this guy, John who Al caught me with. (wow, I haven't thought about this in years. I sounded pretty busy huh? ) yeeesh...

So Al caught me and that was that about that. I felt really bad but I didn't want that anyway. Many years later Al had a girlfriend and was living with her and we all got together for a party, me T and him and his girl and he showed me he still had this little diamond engangement ring from I guess a year plus prior and that he wanted me to have it because he felt it was mine. I said I didn't think that would be right. So I didn't accept it. I remember it, it had this little diamond chip in it, it was like $110.00 :) so cute right? :)

Anyway, Still Eddie popped into this scenario inbetween. Eddie was fun, liked to neck and "finally" since I was allowed to date we became boyfriend and girlfriend.

oops. I'm forgetting about Chuck. My my my... chuckles... WHAT a loser... I never did hard core drugs but this guy did. And at 18 I was still, in spite of all the necking pretty naive about "many" things. Anyway, I was working at an autobody shop that summer, I knew the guy I'd crashed a car and he'd fixed it then I got a job there. So, Chuck worked across the roadway at this truck place fixing the trucks. He'd drive by in his big monster looking truck thing (which was really a rigged peice of shit, but I really liked that thing LOL) Now this guy was 30. I was 18.

Are ya seein something wrong with the math here folks?

dugh yah! (Eddie for my reminder I got into a relationship after chuckles here, the boyfriend girlfriend thing)

So this guy took me out, and "now" i know he's too old for me, but then I thought it was cool. Turns out he was a junkie, which okay so I really was naive, I didn't realize until I was about 34. That just beats all doesn't it? AND oddly enough when I was 16 I ran into this guy again! And guess what! We hung out! And guess what else? He was still a junkie LOL :)

Okay back to being 18 and this dope. I remember our first date, it was in a bar that I actually go past now. No, I wasn't legal drinking age, they'd just changed that to 21 actually but they served me anyway. So, we went there I had my first mellon ball, that was a good drink though I still like it. :) Oh and then there was this other drink, rum and pinapple jice I used to really like too. Now I'd probably puke LOL :) if I drank too much anyway like I did back then. We were all kids hannging out and doign waht kids do so... ya know.

Well, that's what us kids were doing, having a beer or so maybe once in a while I'd smoke pot. :) THAT was oober funny!

NOTE: As I'm writing this all out I'm seeing a wonderful pattern of just wanting someone to LIKE ME ... not the other way around really. I mean, in the teen years it was cool to have a boy with a car (Paul, Eddie, Sean, Dave B., well not so much Dave) like you. They were cool! Oh, yah Chris S. had a car too but we don't count him that only lasted like under a month I think.

Anyway, the whole thing was I just wanted to be liked. And to have a boyfriend, like I saw other people doing but "nobody" told me what I was supposed to be doing or looking for either.

OH there was this one guy in like 10th grade, Diego... he lasted a week but I distinctly remember kissing him in the hallway. My god I was a kissing fool. He disappeared much like that guy Tim O above here after a week. Now Eddie back in the highschool days was dating this other girl at the smae time as me. I'd told him to just be honest because I wasn't going to fuck him (yes I was pretty blunt back then) so when I caught him I was really hurt. And mind you I wasn't allowed out either and I still caught him doing stuff. Yet :) he and I got together over and over again over the years. Funny ...

Okay, are ya keeping up here? Yessh.

There was another guy in school Dennis G., who liked me but I had gone up to him to talk to him about the girl WAY above here who had the boy/girl party where I was the lookout? Member that? And he said he liked me not her. Well, I couldn't do that to her twice in one lifetime so... I just avoided the whole thing. Actually later on when I was 26 I was working at a bar downthe shore and she came in with guy number 3 who "this" guy I did end up dating for a bit on and off for a couple years. Which, was a mistake, he could turn off emotions like a switch. oof... that was ruff.

Okay SO... Where the heck was I? Oh yah chuckles.

You assume that a guy whose 30 has his shit together. At least I did and at 18 still living home and not much guidance or experience about men, I didn't know the difference. After all weren't all boys living home? ugh LOL hahahaha! Yah 18 year olds were but not a 30 year old man for christs sake.

There was this guy, some where in 10th grade, his name was green eyes, he'd been at summer camp actually, he'd moved to my area. I didn't want to date him but when I ran into him at the mall 4 years later man had he grown up nicely.

On of those agh ha momments... yeesh....

Oh there was this other guy in here some place, his name was Jimmy... we only hung out about a month, I'd dated his best friend... can't think of his name at all. But by this time, drinking for fun was what we were doing and I'm quite sure I was massively confused about which end was up. As if anyone whose reading this "isn't" massively confused :)

Such bouncing around I did. My god... OH! there was this other fella, Dale when I was 16, he lived up in NY State and was 29 yrs., old. He was euchy. But he'd gotten burned by battery acid on his one arm, that was a shame ... but before I knew him. Guess what? I was 16 at the time. We only hung out a little while when I'd go up there with my dad and his wife, then I didn't see him anymore. There was my dad's wifes (she was a step mom evil woman) family lived. There was Lorne. Now... lorne I had some misgivings about because he was my age. He was 17 I was 16 (yes still a virgin w/all this kissy face going on) and we ended up kissing one night at this bar we went to. It was a nice place actually. But who is serving minors at 16 booze? this place sure was.

Anyway, we only had that one kiss but I still remember it. He was handsome too :) ... then I went on a date with his friend, not to be mean to lorne and to tell you the truth I have no idea what happened with lorne. I still saw him when I went up there. Huh, that's weird... maybe I"ll remember later.

This other kid told everyone we had sex at this movie we went to see, I was 16, and he told all the boys I'd hung out with that we had sex at this drive in movie. Well, lorne told me that and I exposed the little fella for what a liar he was in front of everyone. I said, So I heard you fucked me last weekend was it good because I dno't remember it. LOL well that was the beginning of the apology and I'd embarrassed him so much that he'd never think to do that again. So, that was fine.

In the meantime, holy crap, there's MORE? My dad's wife also had family up in Southern Jersey and I met this guy Mike. And gee.. guess what? HE was a good kisser too ! Cept with him I got caught by the step mother and in trouble. I don't remember my age but I do remember what a beautiful body that boy had :)

I was a busy girl wasn't I? Oh, hell I haven't even begun to talk about the nonsense with Chuckles yet. Are you kidding? oh man...

I have to tell you, if you're a young girl and you even remotely look lik eyou're doing all this? And I wasn't having sex yet... Puleeze stop and start selecting who you'd like to be with instead of bouncing all over not chosing who YOU like but kinda who likes you... Me? I had no idea what the hell I was doing and the more I write this stuff out the more I feel... well, sad I guess... I wish someone would have talked to me and explained all this mess.

I think I have to stop for a bit, I'll come back later after my errand.