Compliments of The Onion

June 20, 2001 | Issue 37•23

WASHINGTON, DC–Four days after signing a $1.35 trillion tax-cut bill, George W. Bush spent Monday trying to decide how he will spend his $300 refund check. "Maybe I'll buy some new wireless speakers," said the excited president, flipping through a Sharper Image catalog. "Or maybe I could get this massage chair." After noting the massage chair's $720 price tag, Bush said he "wouldn't rule out" passing an additional $1.9 trillion cut to get the extra $420.

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STRESSALIVE!