Lady Sassys hastened quickly through the town, careful not to expose herself to any of the lingering merry-makers. Her mood was lighter returning home, than it was on her way to Squire Sean's, for now she had a functional plan to escape her marriage to Aussie. This knowledge relieved her immensely. While the idea of going to the palace made her cringe, she was happy to know that she would be veiled—accordingly off-limits to any and all undesirable urges—and eventually free to wed Squire Sean. At least there would be purpose to her misery, and she would not suffer long under King Huttriver's proposed snare.
These happier thoughts in mind, Lady Sassys finally left the town behind her and continued on towards her home in the northern gardens, where many of the wealthier families lived. A few miles beyond the impressive sprawl of dwellings lay King Huttriver's castle. Even now as she strolled, she could see its wide expanse looming ominously in the dull, misty moonlight.
Lady Sassys did not feel the need to creep stealthily, as she did in town, for there was no one likely to be about at this hour. Or so she thought. So it was with great surprise that she heard footsteps approaching, which, of all things, seemed to be approaching from 'round a bend. With bated breath she paused and, seeing no where to hide, hurriedly grabbed a long nearby stick and called upon the intruder to immediately identify himself.
"Who is there?" she demanded in a loud, abrasive tone as she wielded her weapon. "Come out at once. And you'd better not be up to some mischief. I am the daughter of Duchess Pussy Willow, close friend to King Huttriver! He'll see you hanged if you touch me. And not before I crack open your skull like a ripe melon! Do you hear?"
The footsteps at once stopped. Lady Sassys heard the sound of nervous, quickened breathing.
"Well?" she demanded, feeling certain that her words had intimidated adequately. "Make haste and come around. Stop skulking behind that rock!"
Finally, Lady Sassys heard a soft rustling and again the sound of approaching steps. She narrowed her eyes and peered into the darkness as a stooped, shaggy-haired man slowly came forward. "M'lady," he mumbled softly with bowed head.
"Sir," Lady Sassys finally responded, her stick still clenched and raised high. "What do you mean by wandering about in the dark and scaring a lady half to death!"
"I'm sorry I scared ye," he said. "I was just…ahhh…taking a walk."
"From and to where?" Lady Sassys demanded. "Why do you come from the direction of the northern gardens? You don't look the sort to live there, not even as a servant. I certainly have never seen you!"
"But I AM a servant," the man insisted with widened eyes. Then, almost as immediately, he faltered. "I mean…well…" His voice faded.
Lady Sassys' frown deepened suspiciously. "Well what! Are you a servant or aren't you?"
"Yes…ahhhh…no….I mean, I was but I was let go."
"Let go! At this hour of the night? Do you think I'm stupid, Man, to believe a thing like that? What are you really up to?" Lady Sassys waved her stick menacingly. "Talk or I swear I'll break your head!"
The man instinctively drew back, shielding his head with his hands. What was he to do? If he didn't answer satisfactorily, Lady Sassys was liable to knock him down. He had no doubt that she would. But if he answered truthfully, no telling what Aussie would do to him—especially if the new King ended up marrying Lady Sassys. He did not want to be faulted for a marriage Aussie did not want. The young man may not kill him while his father was alive, but he would surely find a way to make him suffer.
On the other hand, his life could very well end now. Lady Sassys was growing angrier and more animated by the minute. Still, how could he tell her who he really was—that he was TXKJUN, sent by Aussie to deceive Squire Sean…and ultimately her? Would his life be any safer if she knew?
TXKJUN was not about to try to find out. Not whilst Lady Sassys waved a big stick in his face.
"M'lady, please!" he pleaded. "Please stop waving the stick. I can explain."
"I'm not going to stop waving it!" Lady Sassys growled. "But I'm listening!"
"I…I didn't know how to tell ye, m'lady, without offending ye. See, I just was coming back from me girlfriends…ahh….a servant of the rich missus on yer block. We ain't supposed to be courtin' like this but…ahh…what's a man to do, eh?"
"Which family does she work for?"
"Well…I…I don’t know the names, really. T'was the house next to yers, m'lady. I…ahh…met me girlfriend in the stable and we had it out…"
"All right. Say no more!" Lady Sassys shook her head in repulsion. "And you're just coming back now?"
"Sneaking's more like it, m'lady," TXKJUN said with truthful irony. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to frighten ye. I was 'fraid to tell ye, in case ye try to find out who me girl is and tell her missus. She'll get fired for sure."
Lady Sassys paused in thought, then sighed. "I'll let it pass," she finally placated. "But don't let me see you around here again."
"Yes, m'lady. Me girl and I, we'll be sure to find another way."
"Try marriage, you ninny!" she snapped. "You aren't married to her, are you?"
"No, m'lady. She ain't married neither."
"There's your problem and solution. Now go on. Get out of my sight!"
TXKJUN did not need to be told twice. He cautiously darted around Lady Sassys and her stick, and scurried away as fast as his legs would take him.
Lady Sassys watched him go, her eyes still narrowed in suspicion. She felt certain that this man was not telling the truth. For one thing, all the female servants belonging to the neighbouring family were married. And quite old. Surely, he could not be having a fling with some old bat. So what was he really doing in the northern gardens? And why couldn't he tell her the truth?
Lady Sassys could not figure out why, and she had neither the strength nor time to try. It was already very late, and her mother and Nurse Teebug were doubtless worried. She needed to get out of the dark and into bed. Hence, she put her questions aside and resumed her walk home.

Catfish watched from behind some bushes as Lady Sassys sped up the winding path towards her family's estate. He'd been waiting for her quite a while. After throwing many stones at her window, he inferred that she was not home and decided to hide himself behind some bushes near the front gate. Many times he had considered leaving. After all, what if he had chosen the wrong window? True, Aussie had explained just where Lady Sassys roomed so he would know where to throw the stones; but his mind was so bungled from the barley beer and fatigue of a sleepless night that he could scarcely recall his own name.
In the end, Catfish remained behind the bushes. When he spied Lady Sassys at last, jogging up the lane, he felt certain he had made the right choice.
"Here she comes," he muttered to himself as he stuffed the vials carefully into his pouch. "I ain't 'alf right in me head. Can't remember how to put these vials together, the way Witch Ammorton told me. Oh well. I'll figure it out once Lady Sassys gets going. That's if she gets going. Wonder where she's coming from this hour of the night? M'lady!" he whispered loudly. "Lady Sassys. Here, m'lady!"
Lady Sassys stopped cold at the sound of her name. What's this? Another stranger in the northern gardens? What the devil was going on?
"Hello!" she answered angrily, looking about her this way and that. "Where are you? Who are you?"
Catfish emerged from behind the bushes. "Here I am, Lady Sassys," he stated with a quick bow. "I've been waiting for ye. I've got a message from Squire Sean that ye are to meet him out in the cornfields on the southwest side of town."
"What??? You say Squire Sean sent you to tell me to meet him?"
"Yes, m'lady. Out in the cornfields," Catfish repeated.
Lady Sassys folded her arms. "Really."
"Yes, m'lady."
"And how long has it been since he sent you?"
"Oh, a long time, m'lady. I've been waiting for ye more than an hour, I'm sure."
"Is that so?" Lady Sassys stood over his figure, which was comparatively short and round, like a cannon ball.
"Yes, m'lady." Catfish nodded, his lips curled upwards in a pretended innocent smile. His teeth, of a murky hue, browned from sweets and beer and crooked and jagged like the battements of a worn fortress, grinned nastily.
Lady Sassys shuddered in disgust. "You know I find that hard to believe."
"Why's that, m'lady?" he asked, still smiling.
"Because I was just with Squire Sean, maybe as long as you have been prowling like a thief behind our shrubbery. And he had no message to give me, otherwise he would have given it then."
Catfish opened his mouth in rising shock as Lady Sassys took hold of his collar. "WHO ARE YOU??" she demanded with a rough shake. "I just met another man lurking about not an hour past. The two of you are together, no doubt," she added with sudden insight, "and I want to know why. Who are you? Who the deuce sent you here??"
"I---Lady Sassys, please—my neck—" Catfish begged, not daring to fight back.
"Tell me the truth, you wretch, or I'll send you foul-faced and toothless to the Black Lagoon! And with King Huttriver's blessing!"
"Please don't strike me!" Catfish begged in choking gasps. "And please don't have me arrested. It's not my fault I'm here! Please!"
"What the hell do mean, it isn't your fault?" Lady Sassys hissed, forgetting, for the moment, all sense of etiquette. "Who sent you?"
"I…c..cannot tell!"
"Scoundrel! You WILL tell me. The King will hear of this in the morning if you don't! And he is coming here!"
"No PLEASE!" cried Catfish in desperation, still unsure of what to say next and wishing with all his might he had returned to the castle. Like TXKJUN, he found himself in a terrible state of affairs: If he told Lady Sassys who sent him, Aussie's plan would be spoiled, and he did not want that. If he didn't, she would surely inform King Huttriver, who, in turn, may have him jailed or tortured for information.
As Lady Sassys continued to shake him, it gradually occurred to Catfish that Aussie's plan was spoiled either way. No matter what he did or said, it was not going to work as intended or remain fully concealed in secrecy, not with Lady Sassys already holding suspicions. Still, Catfish did not want it to be said that he was an unfaithful ratter. If things must go badly, he decided, the least he could do was ease the blow for his lord as much as possible. It might be best to tell her something else, information that did not entirely unveil Aussie's plot but would interest her, nonetheless. Enough for her to let go his neck, which was becoming increasingly sore within her tenacious grip.
"M'lady, p..please," Catfish pleaded. "If ye would allow me, I…I can explain. I will. P-p-please!"
Lady Sassys loosened her fingers slightly. "What have you got to say?"
"It...It is Squire Sean," he rasped in reply. "He…does not want to marry ye!"
"WHAT??"
"He-he does not want to marry ye."
In anger, Lady Sassys resumed her tight hold. "How can you say that?? How do you know this??"
"M-maybe I am wrong, m-m'lady, b-but if he d-does want to marry ye, y-ye aren't the o-only one he loves. For I-I have seen him w-with a-nother woman."
"How?" Lady Sassys demanded. "Who ARE you, anyway? What is your name?"
"I---"
"WHO SENT YOU, then? If you cannot tell me who you are, then who sent you??"
"S-servant to Aussie," Catfish finally admitted. He did not see much point in trying to hide it, for if he did, Lady Sassys would only find out later--probably the next morning.
Lady Sassys relinquished her grasp and folded her arms. "So Aussie sent you. That makes sense. But how did you see my Sean with this other woman?"
Catfish rubbed his neck dismally. "I—I go into town sometimes to buy sweets and barley beer, m'lady. I saw them once behind the bakery."
"And who is this girl?"
"I don't know her name."
"So you say. How do I know you aren't lying to me, you pitiful, vomitous mass? How do I know this is not one of Aussie's schemes?"
"What reason would he have to lie about that, m'lady?" Catfish reasoned. "He doesn't want to marry ye anymore than ye want to marry him. If anything, he'd want ye to marry Squire Sean."
Lady Sassys looked towards the valley. The night was dark and still, signalling the soon arrival of dawn. There was not much time left…And yet there was so much more to do. This new information changed everything, for it confirmed suspicions she had already held. Lady Sassys felt certain that the other woman was Lady Diva. That would indubitably explain Lady Diva's sudden appearance at Squire Sean's, and of their discomfort while they chatted, which did not entirely pass Lady Sassys' notice.
Whatever plan they devised to help Lady Sassys was now suspect. If Squire Sean had greater interest in Lady Diva, both would see that she ended up married to Aussie. Lady Sassys could not let that happen. She would not be made a fool of.
Turning back to Catfish, she said, "I don't know why you've told me this, but I thank you."
He nodded.
"But I still don't understand why you are here," she continued firmly. "Why did Aussie send you?"
Catfish looked down silently. He had hoped that bit of gossip would distract her enough to make her disregard her line of questioning. Clearly, it hadn't.
"I'd…rather not say, m'lady."
"I see." Lady Sassys eyed him sternly, scrutinizing his hunched posture. Suddenly, she noticed the pouch around his waist.
"What's that you got there?"
"M-m'lady?" Catfish stammered. He had forgotten all about the potions. What could he tell her?
"Around your waist? What is it?"
"Oh..nothing, m'lady, just some cakes and sweets and things…"
"I want to see them. Give me the pouch."
"Really, m'lady…is that necessary…?" Catfish spluttered weakly, backing away. "Please…"
But Lady Sassys was not to be put off. In one swift gesture, she snatched the pouch from the man's waist and tore it open. Inside she found the three vials of potion.
"Cakes, eh?" she sneered. "These are cakes, you say?"
Catfish gaped wordlessly.
"I don't suppose you'll tell me what they're for, though I can only imagine." She took them out, removing the covers and examining each in turn. Then she held them out to Catfish. "Drink them."
"What?"
"I said DRINK them. Whatever Aussie is up to, he meant for me to ingest them. Perhaps he's trying to kill me. Well he won't get away with it."
"Oh no, m'lady, he did not mean for you to die—"
"I don't care for his intentions!" Lady Sassys rejoined angrily. "Were you never taught not to keep a lady waiting? And I have stood here in eternity waiting for you to enlighten me truthfully, and you have not, at least not in full. And for punishment, you will drink these. Every last drop. DO IT, or I shall fulfill my promise to tell the King. If I wasn't to die, then you won't either! Drink it all. RIGHT NOW!"
"M'lady!"
"NOW" she shouted, at the end of her tether. And without further hesitation, she grabbed Catfish by the shoulder with one hand and shoved one of the potions to his lips. Catfish sputtered and spat but was eventually forced to drink. Lady Sassys, weary from a long night and furious over her latest discovery, barked and slapped Catfish about the head until he swallowed. "Now the next one!" she roared as soon as he had finished the first. Catfish obeyed helplessly.
When all the vials were drained, Lady Sassys released him, turned her back, and waved him away. "Now get away from here," she sighed tiredly. "Find that other man you were with and go back to Aussie. Tell him he is a fool, that I should sooner marry a wildebeest, and that if he and I were the last two remaining, I would remove myself from this old world and betake myself to the new. Go!"
Catfish did not answer. He could not answer. Since he had drunk the potions, a strange feeling had come over him. He felt himself changed, but he could not discern just what had happened. A fog remained over his eyes, rendering him blind, or at least unable to see clearly. And his words were slow in coming, though he felt sure he could talk.
"Didn't you hear what I said!?!" Lady Sassys huffed. "I said be gone. And why haven't you excused yourself properly from my presence?" She turned around quickly. "Are you deaf as well as stupid….?" Her voice, initially loud, quickly ebbed away into a whisper as her eyes beheld the thing standing and smiling in front of her. It had patches of black and brown fur covering the length of its body, a stub for a tail, and scrawny orange limbs, like those of a chicken, perched on mahogany hooves. The head, most frightening of all, was shaped like one belonging to a goat, only the ears were drooped long past the wide, sloping jaw, the eyes were round and large like an owl's, the nose seemed more like a boar's snout, and the mouth was quite nearly barren, save the few teeth scattered like sheep around the bottom and the one snaggle-tooth dangling hideously from the broad upper lip. A large hump, pink and hairless, crowned his spine. It was, quite simply, the strangest and ugliest creature Lady Sassys had ever laid eyes upon.
"Dear god, what is that thing!" she gasped in horror. "How can this be?"
The creature brayed wretchedly in response, as though trying to talk. Now it was Lady Sassys who backed away in fear. "Where did it come from?" she whispered as she crossed herself repeatedly.
"M'lady…" the creature finally managed to utter. "Why are ye moving like that?"
Lady Sassys stopped. "Did it speak or am I mad?" She put a hand to her forehead. "I need to retire. I need to go to bed!"
"M'lady…" it spoke again with improved distinction. "What's happened to me? I ain't meself , I can feel it! What's happened?" Its eyes bulged dreadfully as its vision cleared.
"Dear lord," Lady Sassys murmured, noticing at last the abandoned clothing of the man who only minutes prior stood before her. "The potions. You've turned into a…into a beast. And you can speak, of all things!" Her mind raced. "Is this what that damned Aussie had in mind?"
"A beast!" the creature screeched, madly stamping its hooves. "I'm a beast??" It strained to scrutinize itself. "Obviously, I ain't drunk it right. I didn't mix the potions the way the With Ammorton said. Now I'm a beast."
"Don't know what you're babbling about," Lady Sassys said, "but you are indeed a beast. And a righteously ugly one at that."
"I'm doomed," Catfish wailed in a frenzy. "I'll end up in a stable and eaten for dinner."
"Heavens no! You are more likely to end up driven from town for how horrible you look. I'd sooner starve to death than eat you."
"That's a relief," Catfish grunted. At the moment, he preferred to look unappetizing to the human appetite. He had never been very handsome anyway.
"So what am I to do with you?" Lady Sassys mused, more to herself than to the animal. "You'll not get by the palace looking like that. I could let you go into the forest, but you probably won't survive there either. You're a beast, but still somewhat human. At least you can talk."
Catfish pawed the ground unhappily. This night was too long, too eventful, too demoralizing. He wished it was TXKJUN here instead of him. Better yet, he wished he had been left to sleep, rather than called out on this mission. The extra barley beer he'd been given as concession was not worth it. Not in the least.
Lady Sassys stood thinking quietly, then suddenly snapped her fingers. "I've got it!" she declared. "I will fix Lady Diva, Squire Sean, and Aussie. And you are going to help me."
"Lady Diva?" Catfish questioned.
"That's the wench you might have seen with Squire Sean," Lady Sassys explained. "I'll find out one way or the other."
"I cannot be disloyal to my lord." Catfish shook his head adamantly. His long ears flopped and slapped the sides of his head. "Can't go helping ye destroy him."
"Fool! Your lord would shoot you if he laid eyes upon you now," Lady Sassys pointed out. "And if he had any respect for you at all, he wouldn't have sent you traipsing about in the middle of the night. Besides, if you help me, I'll see to it that you are restored to your former self. If there is a way to turn a person into a beast, there must also be a way to turn him back. I will find out if you help me," she affirmed her promise.
"Well…" Catfish hesitated. His nostrils flared as he reflected briefly. "Maybe. But what will I have to do?"
"Nothing now. I am going inside and you are coming with me. You will be my…my strange pet. My charity case. And together, we will go to the palace when King Huttriver comes. While there, you will make yourself accessible to Aussie and Lady Diva if she comes to visit. You will listen to their conversation. Out of curiosity, they will probably allow you to stay around, especially since you are mine; and they will not know you can speak or understand anything they say. You will repeat their words to me. That way, I will find out if what you say about Squire Sean is true."
"I can't get into the palace like this," Catfish objected. "Ye said so yerself."
"They will if you come with me," Lady Sassys retorted confidently. "King Huttriver will do anything to marry off his shameless son. Besides, I'll seem all the more kind for taking pity on such a loathsome creature as you. Kindness becomes a queen, you know." Lady Sassys smiled, feeling better. "Now come along…ah…What should I call you?"
"Not by me real name, m'lady."
"I don't know your real name, since you have never told me. I shall call you Goodwill, for it is out of my good will that I have let you live. You can take that literally."
Catfish gulped uncomfortably and nodded.
"Come along then, Goodwill. And remember: Don't speak unless we are alone. Do you hear me?"
"Yes, m'lady." Catfish galloped after Lady Sassys as she marched past the gate towards her home. Spying her lady-girl at last, Nurse Teebug, who had not yet surrendered to sleep, threw open the door to welcome her inside; but it was not long before her reprimands and questions were replaced with shrieks of terror, when Catfish clip-clopped into view. Lady Sassys did her best to calm Nurse Teebug down. "It is a poor, misshapen creature," she explained smoothly, "not likely to survive in its present horrid condition. I would like to keep it with me. It is an act of G-d to have compassion for the least of His creatures."
"It is more a spawn of Satan!" Nurse Teebug exclaimed in bewilderment, as Catfish stood awkwardly in the corner, but she held her peace. And Lady Sassys, at the end of her strength, was finally permitted to climb the stairs to her room, where she and her grotesque companion, surrendered to the beckon of sleep and security they did not truly feel.
While they slept, TXKJUN hastened back to the palace, having been driven away by an equally sceptical Squire Sean; and Aussie and 2cat, unaware that their plan had been compromised, lay awake at the slow waning of night, anxiously waiting for news.