Zannah Hackett's blog

One would think with all the challenges that we face in just trying to survive, that we'd at least be able to communicate effortlessly with the one we love. Why is it in the early stages of a relationship that we appear flawless in the eyes of love? The old adage "love is blind" once again rears its little deceitful smile, only to be tossed out of the moment as soon as the timely union reaches three months. It's true. At three months a silent whistle goes off in the relationship and like a pistol being fired at the starting line of a Nascar event...we're off and running! The curious thing is, we don't seem to be able to avoid the inevitable relationship rat race. Why is that?

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Did you know that some colors attract love and others repel people? It's true. Recent studies and dated studies both indicate that colors have a power of their own. In researching the polarity of people, meaning one's ability to attract, color designers have unearthed a unique correlation betwteen color and magnetism.

In the book,The Ancient Wisdom of Matchmaking,

I frequently address the significance of one's polarity. Polarity is simply man's magnetic charm. Some of us have a positive charge about us while others possess a negative charge. This does not mean that you are a negative person in terms of your personality but it does mean that you approach your analysis of life from a different polarized vanatage point. It's a lot like determining whether or not you are kin to a particular end of a magnet, that being the north or the south, the minus or the plus end. Both are absolutely vital in maintaining a balance in this life.

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ASK ZANNAH

Hi Zannah,

I just got off the phone with a friend who is so bitter about being single and having to date. How can I stay happy and not get bitter? It concerns me because I can see my other friends getting this way too. Right now I don't feel bitter but I'm watching my single friends become more and more so about not meeting someone or being disappointed with the dates they've had. Any suggestions on how not to fall prey to the bitter trap?

Sally Scott OC

Dear Sally

Being bitter, like anything else is simply a choice. We can always decide to adopt an attitude of any sort towards any circumstance. Some choose to make the situation about them. In fact, all who have chosen the bitter route have placed themselves at the epicenter of their own thoughts. When we begin to think about others, such as why perhaps it wasn't a good time for the other person to engage in a relationship with us, then we begin to develop compassion. It's really not about us. It's about them. We have nothing to do with it. How tall we are, how rich we are, how old we are plays little importance if the chemistry and the timing is right. In fact, TIMING is everything... AND we only have so much time on this earth. Choosing to spend this precious commodity being bitter is a very selfish and ignorant use of time. I don't know about you but I think spending too much time worrying about being bitter might just be like calling the kettle black. My advice is to not give this worry any more of your time. Put a smile on your face and don't forget to wink at that cute guy in the grocery store next time you're standing in the cereal aisle. You never know...it just might be the right time for it.

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ASK ZANNAH

Dear Zannah,

I 've read your book, attended your seminars and believe it or not I have had great success in finding the LOVES of my life as a result of figuring out how to recognize them. The only problem I am having now is knowing how to keep that magnetic attraction in check so they want to stay long term. I guess what I need to know is how do I keep him once I find him? The guy I am seeing is pretty passive because of his style and I love it but I find that sometimes he is affected by my dialogue. I don't want to be too pushy as I am the more active of the two of us. Can you help me?

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ASK ZANNAH

Dear Zannah,

I have been on dating sites and paid thousands of dollars trying to find Mr. Right and keep coming up empty handed. None of them look like their pictures and the ones I get fixed up with through agencies are just leacherous or broken. Please help me.

Kathleen Rancho Santa Fe

Dear Kathleen

I know this sounds a bit harsh but Take Responsibility for Finding the Love of Your Life! Don't expect someone else to find him for you! Instead learn ways in which you can recognize him yourself. Come to understand how this world of wonder works. Why is it you prefer salty foods to sweet or you're drawn to gold over silver? Why is it big blue eyes make you melt and brown ones go unnoticed? Why is it you prefer the ocean to the forest and a hotel room to camping under the stars? Why is it one guy makes your heart sing and another doesn't? Do you know why? Find out WHY? Not knowing is a sign of ignorance and assigning the task addressing the MOST important selection of your life to a stranger is insane! Still, I have chosen to soften my response to you by simply saying, you are not insane...just poorly informed. Seek answers. They are out there. Once you understand polarity, alchemy, energy and appetite... nothing can stop you from having the MOST amazing love experience of your lifetime... but first YOU must take charge of your love life.

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ASK ZANNAH

Hi Zannah,

I have been in a relationship for two years now. In the beginning he was very romantic and attentive and now it feels like he just knows I will always be there. I am 28 and my boyfriend is 32. I’m ready to get married and have children and make a life with someone that knows how to commit. I have my education and career in place and I want to do those things that best use my the energy of my youth. Is it too early to expect that from him? I’m starting to get disillusioned and grouchy.

Sarah from Leucadia

Dear Sarah,

The curious thing about physical law is that it reveals our physical need as well as the timeline in which the need can and must be met. What you are feeling is the physical demands of being physical living in a physical dimension. This can be better spelled out by saying, “It’s not too soon but almost too late�. Let me explain. Generally speaking, women are all about THE RELATIONSHIP. I think just about every psychological guru in the world would agree to that. In my own observations of human nature, I have found that (in accordance with physical science) that women tend to NEED to take the relationship to the next level at 18 months. After the 18 month mark passes, an interesting de- evolution or in some cases re-direction of the relationship takes place; neither of which being what the woman really requires in terms of optimum circumstance for rising to her full potential. Ultimately what begins to happen is SHE begins to lose respect for her potential mate. If the days that follow the 18 month mark grow into years, she will eventually harbor such great resentment for him that the marriage even if entered into late, will likely fail or at minimum possess irreversible strained undertones.

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ASK ZANNAH

Dear Zannah,

I met this guy and I just couldn’t contain myself. It felt like fireworks the second we spotted each other. Unfortunately, after spending the evening together I let him come in for what was supposed to be coffee and probably over indulged. The next day we went to the beach and met some of his friends. I started to feel uncomfortable because they were so grungy looking. He wasn’t, but they were. We stopped by his house to get a change of clothes and his place was a wreck. He lives alone. It was a total turn off. Help! I really like him otherwise. Am I being too picky?

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“Know Thyself� Plato

Isn’t it curious how just about everything in this material world comes with an operating manual; one specifically addressing the care and maintenance of its make, model and style? I don’t care if it’s a computer, a car, a refrigerator or a package of flower seeds, we always seem to get a description in ten or more languages of how to operate or nurture the item of concern. Well, human beings also require some operating instructions if we are to understand one another.

All too often we judge based on our own design rather than acknowledging that which stands before us. It’s obvious that we come in many shapes, sizes, and nationalities. These obvious characteristics offer us some clues as to what make, model and style we are. If we choose to investigate further, one can get even closer to understanding those that walk along side us.

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After 20 years of marriage followed by nine years divorced, I decided that we were not meant to be single. Being somewhat of an investigator, I took it upon myself to explore some rather interesting concepts that I had come across in the years before; hoping one of them would prove helpful in determining whether or not true love and happiness was attainable. I never would have imagined the revelation that was to come.

In brief, I found myself testing and verifying a particular body of knowledge for more than 7 years. I made myself and my friends the guinea pigs of its premise and worth. Each time it was tested, it revealed an amazing truth. The knowledge, which I refer to as the Knowledge of Y.O.U. establishes certain definable characteristics that are objective. This means that you can see them with the naked eye. You don't need an astrologer to figure out if he's right for you or not. You do need decent vision though. Did you know that we wear ourselves on our sleeves? It's true. People can see us, inside and out, without our knowing it. We do however, have to be physically present in a room for this to occur. The beauty of this knowledge is that it reveals in the moment, who you are, who they are and what is. This means that you can recognize what can and cannot be changed about the person you are socializing with.

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Just when you thought you knew it all, there it is... another fail-safe sure-fire remedy to all of life's foibles. Being single has got to be among the biggest let downs in history and the greatest opportunity for advice abuse. The funny thing is, we as human beings KNOW we are supposed to be with one another. Yet, we always manage to search, find and discard each other like perishable fruit, some of us more often than not. Why and how it is we know we are to be together is best explained by taking the time to explore the Knowledge of Y.O.U.. This information is actually so old it's new again. Those that enjoy the exploration of man's evolvement have traced it as far back as man's early attempt at speaking but it's safe to say it's at least 3000 years old. I found the wisdom to be extremely useful in my own pursuit of love and eventually shared my discoveries with girlfriends that used it to find love. In fact, I recently wrote a book at the urgent request of clients and students who were getting writer's cramp trying to take notes in my seminars.

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Matchmaking is about Self-Discovery

Matchmaking is discovering what is right for you on all fronts... in love, in work, in play, in life. There is the perfect partner, the perfect career, and the perfect plan. In studying matchmaking we discover who you are and what that means. You will recognize your ideal on sight in minutes. The anxiety that comes with making the right decision will fall away and the time you spend in making vital decisions about the love of your life will become instantaneous rather than impulsive. This allows you to seize the moment rather than later looking back in hindsight wishing you had taken action.

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How Many Hats Do You Wear?

There is not a single woman on the face of the earth, with a healthy appetite for companionship, that doesn't want to explore ways in which to invite men into their life for purposes of developing a loving relationship. Relationships are a curious thing in that we often find ourselves becoming someone other than ourselves in trying to manage the relationship. This internal game of musical hats so to speak, has most women suffering from an identity crisis without them even knowing it. They often react and perform inappropriately simply because they picked up the wrong hat at the wrong time. This having to wear different hats has many consumed in their own mind chatter and ridiculous reasoning that is largely influenced by all of the other hat wearing relationship authorities out there. So what’s a girl to do to get clear about this? How is she supposed to know how to act in order to achieve her desired outcome. Well, I have a few suggestions:

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