Illegal sex slave trade and a shitload of racism...that's all you need to know about the world cup tournament this summer in Germany.

Maybe they'll play some football but I'm not sure.

It's all about the illegal sex slave trade and racism, look it up.

Now talk amongst yourself...

I am a laker girl
I shave my head
I have a pet iguana
His name is Brandon Marsalis

I eat lots of salsa

President Bush is a bad guy
I thought he was a lamb
I hyphenated too many words
I lost my job
I'll never make editor
In the woods, there was a blanket
Cold, I was, there was a blanket
It had too many holes
I shot a blanks on top of the toadstool
I stood in the galvonizing moonlight
And then my toaster broke

I was sad that day
I stepped back and realized I was dead
I never had the money to live

I gotta shocked penis brain
smells like santa
in the moon i see the mainstay
Like a Virgin dusting off my mantle

I gotta go now

Now I'm back at least

In the foxhole my penis got shocked
Nam was hell
Nam was hell
I forgot her name and now she is my wife

He definately traveled at the end of game 3...and the game winning shot that occured tonight was definately a travel or a carry or a palm, whatever the call is...why don't they call this shit...this is why it is impossible to watch the NBA. I love basketball, I still like betting on the games, but what's the point of have any of these rules if they're not called...it makes no

MELVINCOO

Constipated ants made a hill in my home. I said, “go home, you guys.

Jane Fonda and Sex(y) Validation

I just watched Jane Fonda on Larry King Live (and by “watched

I want to get into my head as much as possible. I really want to scrape the gushy particles off my gushy, mushy brain. Today I tried to get Amy (my girlfriend) to participate in some Jedi mind tricks with me- and she did by accident (I think). I wanted to see if we could engage in abstract conversations, where we could subtract the need for expository explanations and proceed to something I think I’d like to call futurespeak.

Ploggetry...

Please the bloody disease, salts of the curled up balls
Sweet rings of Saturn, become me, in the spirit of joy, undiluted
Master, craves it all the time, your joy relapsed
Other than.
Me inside you and in the world torn apart by grief
Depledge the karma gagged, repspecitvely, turned into black shit
Crows, the pillow in the pool, wilderness, ghosts of a valley
A mouse crawled out of an old golf bag, touched my hand

"In 10 years and over 150 episodes of 'South Park,' Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslims, Mormons and Jews. He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show."
-South Park creator Matt Stone on Isaac Hayes' sudden departure from the show

As a devout fan of the Comedy Central series "South Park", I am greatly disappointed and surprised at this announcement. I don't know if I more shocked that Chef, one of the oldest and greatest characters of this classic show, is actually leaving or that Shaft is a scientologist. The episode where scientology is made of fun, "Trapped in the Closet", was not unlike any other that picked on a particular religion. The great part about South Park is that it could make light of the absurdity behind most belief systems while making it clear that, in the end, it's okay to devote yourself to anything you want, if that makes you happy.

The Guy Who Hosted the Whammy Show is Dead: Reminding Us All, We Could Go At Any Second

Peter Tomarken is dead. The man who hosted "Press Your Show" in the 80's died when his small plane crashed into Santa Monica Bay. He was 63. His wife, Kathleen Abigail Tomarken, 41, also perished in the crash. "Press Your Luck" (AKA: The Whammy Show) featured contestants yelping things like, "Big money" and "No Whammies", as they attempted to stop a computerized target on a bunch of screens in order to win prizes and cash.

Ploggetry...

Hijinks, a whale, a storm, like a color that I didn't know
Showers of colors, like animals who are my friends
There is a parachute that a bear wears
Where is a bear that wears the hair of a hijacked whale
In the coldest part of the year, we appear
To tear through the devastating light, to tear through the plastic heart
Like the coldest part of the year, a sold item said to me,

I felt compelled to masturbate this morning just because I woke up with morning wood. I have this dilemma almost every morning (every morning I don't wake up next to a beautiful woman, which is, unfortunately, way too often).

I usually just grab a dirty sock to dispose of my semen, I'm well aware that this is gross. I just hate having to get up and walk to the shower with a raging boner. I have roommates, and a dog for heavensake. I don't wake up feeling horny most days, I just have an erection. Like this morning for instance, I woke up after having a dream that these kids I went to high school were throwing frisbees at me...I had a boner. What gives? What's the deal with my normal sized penis in the morning?

Immette St. Guillen, or the Natalee Holloway of the North plus a body, is the most recent missing party girl turned media mega story. The difference is that some some poor schmuck, or devilish murder?, phoned the police from a Brooklyn diner and led them to the sexually assaulted dead body.

If you don't know about Imette, here's a quick back story. She was a pretty 24 year old pursuing a graduate degree in criminology (oh, the irony) at John Jay College in New York. She was out late one night on the Bowery when she split with her friend. Her friend got in a cab to go home, Imette went in search of another bar, some more mysteries of the night that would be her last. She was never heard from again, and just a few days later, cops got the tip that led to her body.

I used to drink warm Natty Ice and smoke alot of pot. I used to do this everyday. I am not proud of this. These are my stories of wasted youth.

Chapter One: Hickies and No Underpants

There was a German girl named Freddie who used to go to my high school. She had decent breasts and a face full of zits; rumor has it she got herpes when she went off to college. She was a few years older than me but she wasn't very popular. When a friend of mine heard she was having a party, we figured we'd check it out; we rarely had anything better to do.

The Flavor Flav Show Trilogy is Complete or Why Spitting in Someone's Face Never Felt So Right

For years, Flavor Flav floundered in obscurity as the "hype man" for pioneering rap act Public Enemy. His duties were dressing funny, occasionally rapping, and mostly just yelping in the background of songs and at shows. Recently, however, VH1 cast him as a member of the Surreal Life...a horribly addiciting show that I conffess to watching way too much. If for some reason you don't know, the show takes C level celebrities and throws them together in a Hollywood mansion and wacky adventures ensue; subsequently, my time is also wasted.