To Whom It May Concern,
Thank you for your interest in putting your dick into my vagina. Unfortunately i believe I will be inhabiting another penis at this time, but I will let you know if my clit has any other openings in future months. I would like to apologize for any miscommunication by alcohol. I wish you luck in future bonings
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Never have I ever felt so motivated and inspired... to sit inside and ignore everything that's going on in the world. Never have I ever felt like such a helpless case. Never have I ever felt so completely different from every person around me... let alone every person in this city.
Posted in login or register to post comments | | | | 183 reads
Guys, in case you need to reject a girl who's egging you to take her to our (formal, prom, function, etc) here's your PERFECT excuse:
"Dear (Insert name here) as much as I would love to go with you to formal as your date...I actually promised my best friend Pedro I would help him take care of his sick calico cat..abdelluh..abdelluh has been diagnosed with skin cancer...as my best friend I need to be there for Pedro and abdelluh through this diffcult time..he will be in spain this weekend for the annual rabbits toss the salad festival..but hopefully we can get together another time!"
Posted in login or register to post comments | | | | 71 reads
Its very sad when a person doesnt want the recognition hes earned for saving us from boredom.I cant believe R Tilton would betray our faith in finding him hilarious,and hil be sorry!.So for next time,
Posted in 1 comment | | | | 233 reads
I've had a pretty fun time at the CMJ Music Marathon the last few days, most of which were spent stumbling around the Lower East Side from show to show. Seen some cool bands, met some cool people (although I barely remember any of them), and consumed LOTS of alcohol. Much thanks to the bar staff and bouncers at Midway, Fontana's and Piano's, three bars which I made my temporary "home bases" at certain points in time, for generally being cool with all the madness going on. Except, of course, for the two assclown bouncers who kicked me out of the bar for taking a nap. Fuck them. Also, big shout out to the Fader Magazine Lounge, for allowing unlimited "Guitar Hero 2" access. unlimited free alcohol during the daytime, and being cool with me passing out there for awhile. I have several very funny stories from this week, which I will most likely write up for my new writing website, launching very soon.
Posted in login or register to post comments | | | | 109 reads
It seems as if I can't go anywhere in NYC anymore without being surrounded by a sea of toolbags, fucksticks, assclowns, and everything in between. Going to the gym, walking down the street, going to a bar to chill out- they're just everywhere.You could call me crazy, but please hear me out. I swear to God, when I was growing up in New York City, it was never like this. Maybe my tolerance for those types of people was higher back then, or maybe it really was a different time for the city. Ever since I moved back home after graduation, I have noticed an ever-swelling douchebag population. There were bars and restaurants that me and my friends went to last summer only because we thought they had a cool, laid-back crowd and were safe havens from the hordes of douchebaggery. But by now, 9 of those 10 places have been discovered and taken over by Johnny Guido and the Douche Turds. For example, back in 2001 the Lower East Side was the ultimate hipster party scene, home to cool bands like The Strokes, who wore cool clothes, made cool-sounding music and were laid back and anti-corporate in their approach. By now, even the East Village is overrun with tools, with their Happy Hour work clothes, tough-guy voices and packs of girls following them.
Posted in login or register to post comments | | | | 129 reads
College is the most fun four years of your life and cost your parents a shitload of hard work and money. If you manage to waste this amazing opportunity doing lame and pathetic stuff, then all your tuition money is a waste and you deserve to have a miserable existence for the rest of your life. Cuz trust me, it ain't gonna be any more fun when school's over. So here's a listing of some kids you might see on campus that just suck at life:
Posted in login or register to post comments | | | | 132 reads
OK, this is exciting. I'm taking two of the wussiest music genres of all time, Hair Metal and Emo, and putting them through a grueling test to determine, in my opinion, who is wussier. They will be judged by several categories, and whoever loses the most is the biggest wuss. Let's Play!
Posted in login or register to post comments | | | | 178 reads
Here's my perception of what a chick thinks about when she jacks off. Let's start with hot European guys with ripped muscles and really expensive cars. OK, that's a start, that might get her nipples hard, that's about it. OK, that dude she met last night with the sexy Spanish accent and sweet dance moves. That might get her a little more aroused. But still not there yet. She needs a little extra something. Then it comes to her. KITTENS! So tiny and cute, it tickles her inside. She finishes strong.
Posted in Cute | girls | kittens | orgasm | pics | sexy login or register to post comments | | | | 142 reads
What is all this wussy-ass crap that's being played on the Hits station these days? "Hey There Delilah" by the Emo Boys is possibly the wussiest piece of shit song I've ever heard. And that is the #1 rock song in the country right now? Jesus Christ. On the Top 40, you have to choose between whiny emo boys like- whoever the hell sings that Delilah song, bling-blingin rappers spittin the stupidest crap their multi-billion dollar label writes for them,
Posted in delilah | hey | music | plain | rock | sucks | there | weezer | white 4 comments | | | | 184 reads
Watched- Remember the story of that half-retarded high school BBall manager who came into a game and dropped like 25 points in 2 minutes, and it was an "inspirational story" and all that bullshit? Well watching that story unfold in a Youtube movie has to be my greatest sports watching moment, because it reminded me so much of my personal greatest sports playing moment:
Posted in login or register to post comments | | | | 81 reads
A couple months ago I was in Israel on a birthright trip, and these two girls in my group were saying "OMG, they had BETTER have MTV at our next hotel. We're gonna miss the season premiere of The Hills". I was like "Excuse me bitch- you're in fucking Israel. The Hills can wait" and then they were just like "But it's the season premiere, and I CANNOT wait five more days to see what happened to Lauren". Like OMG, and then I NEED to move to LA, find a nice crack dealer, and suck as many dicks as I can.
Posted in beach | Funny | hills | laguna | MTV | rant | sucks | the login or register to post comments | | | | 133 reads
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