If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

1. Lower respiratory infections
• Annual mortality rate = 4 million
• Annual infection rate = -

2. HIV/AIDS
• Annual mortality rate = 3 million

Funny Soccer Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

There were two guys having chitchat on their way home..

Johny...
We've got the best football team in the country unbeaten and no goals scored against us!'

Funny Fishing GolfJoke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

Four married guys go golfing. While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place:

Funny Football Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?

Funny Fights Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

A guy welded into a bar and ordered 10 shots of whiskey. Then asked...
“Who is the baddest SOB in here?”

Funny Fishing Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Funny Santa Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o The 3 stages of man:

He believes in Santa Claus.

He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.

Funny Kids Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o A little girl goes to see the doctor. She's got a pea in one nostril, a grape in the other, and a string bean stuck in her ear.

Funny Girls Joke #1:

"My husband claims to be a great sexual athlete, just because he always comes first."
(Ellie Lane)

"The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says: 'It's a girl.'"

Funny Faces Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Funny Baby Joke #1 :

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth.

Funny Valentine Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o What did the stamp say to the envelope?
Stick with me and we'll go places

Funny Halloween Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
It had no guts...

o How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?

Funny Christmas Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o Why was Cinderella such a poor football player?
Because she kept running away from the ball