I will neither affirm or negate a bed buddy past, but I will say they don't work, one or the other always winds up wanting to go further. Usually it is the female since we are more emotional, but it can go either way. Good article!

Thats all they are. sex is supposed to be the ultimate gift of love for your partner and you. it's not about getting your end in its Love and tenderness. Possibly procreation too. People have lowered sex into some primal dance form done on pure instinct. Have we not come further than that. I have.
Friendlybear
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I'm glad that you've found what works best for you but no one is asking you to adapt to their lifestyle. If evolution of the species come with being judgemental and name calling because you don't happen to agree then I'll stay un-evolved thanks so much.

Let's not spread anger and hostility through our blogging home - exchange of ideas is great. But then again, I did ask how you feel didn't I? Ok, opinion heard. No hard feelings.

Be well, friendlybear.
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The name may be new but the phenomenon is as old as the sexual revolution, if not older. Back when I was young, and elephants had fur and hippie beads to go with it, I think the term was "free love".

My problem with it is that, for humans as for many other animals, the proximity of bodies needed for s... - sorry, the word is "copulation", you have a "sex" whether you like it or not, whether you're getting any or not - requires you to let somebody into your personal space. I don't think most people understand how big a deal this is, especially in America where the (relative) uncrowding of the population gives us a diameter of personal space that is wider than the world norm. The more people you let into that personal space, the greater the risk of personal harm - and the greater the risk that, should such harm occur, you will never really let anyone else into that space again. Especially if you lowered the price for access into that space in the first place.

Yes we have physical impulses - I refuse to call them "needs". We "need" food and shelter. All else is window dressing. Including copulation. Earlier cultures placed a great value on those who had control of the belly - and the things below the belly. Our indulgence of these things - to the detriment of our ability to truly relate to each other - can, in my opinion, only have a bad ending.

you know at one time I would have argued vehemently against that theory but I am beginning to see the wisdom of that. And I did anticipate that this would be the majority of the views. I still defend the rights of anyone who wants to come to this conclusion (or any other) on their own but I've made my choice along with you - it's not a need.
But is there NO ONE who this has worked for?

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But is there NO ONE who this has worked for?

I would be surprised if there were many. Here's why.

When one studies sexual behavior in mammals, birds and even fish, one is constantly struck by how much courting represents fighting. Practically every other move is a deadly threat made by one partner which is placated by a move by the other. All the moves are intended to allow the partners to lower their fears for self-preservation enough for them to gain entrance into that personal space needed for the purposes of procreation. One false step by either partner and somebody's going to get hurt. And if entry into personal space is allowed without full trust having been granted, watch out. Anything can happen at any time, usually bad.

Now multiply that dance by the eighteen or so years it takes to raise a human child. The rapid and ferocious transformation of "love" into "hate" is heinous, but it is perfectly consistent with what happens with every other species of multicellular animal that shows any kind of mate choice or parental care behavior. We are no better than our neighbors.

Why then are we so stupid as to indulge our appetites in such a way as to increase the risk of these bad, even deadly, results? Is it just possible that the moralists in human history had a vague idea of what they were taliking about?

I don't see such a thing working out long-term. It's such an in-between state, and trying to stay perfectly balanced between love, sex, and friendship is confusing. You must let them in enough to have sex with them, but not enough to get attached. That's a fine line, and I think it's too fine for most people to walk.

Personally, I agree with everything that O'Ceallaigh said, but I see it also in a slightly different way. Biologically, it's a bad idea to mess around like that. But I can't judge the people who do it, especially if they stop and think about it first.

A personal story: My parents were very strict. If a boy touched my knee (yes, they really said that) I was supposed beat the living hell out of him, and then turn him over to my dad so he could continue the beating. My parents wanted me out of the sex ed class in high school, because they taught at home that abstinence was best. But there was always this unspoken sense I got from them that if I should ever ignore their sage advice, I should at least make every effort to A) not be a stupid whore, and B) be as safe as possible. And they made sure I understood that it only meant as safe "as possible". With every guy I dated, there was always my parents voice in the back of my mind asking, "Is this boy worth getting herpes?" For most of them, the answer was no. And surprisingly, it helped with my relationships. If I wasn't willing to risk my entire LIFE, why am I wasting my time with this clown? I didn't go on a lot of dates with this policy, but I did get a fantastic husband. If I looked strictly at the numbers, NOBODY is worth it. But the "human factor" played into it, and somebody became worth it.

Biologically, sex shouldn't really be bothered with except to have children. But let's be honest. The species is not in that much danger. So if the people are aware of what they are doing, and if they accept the possible consequences, more power to them. Have fun. But I'm not fooling myself. I don't think most people go to nearly this much trouble.

I'd only come here seeking peace.
I'd only come here seeking me.
It seems I came to leave.
-VNV Nation