Are You Sponge Worthy?

Well, for now - until I've quit smoking - The Sponge is my birth control device of choice. I'm actually not a fan of using it all the time. Call me old fashioned, but if the mood strikes while I'm bent over the kitchen sink - I'm damn sure not gonna want to stop in order to run off to the bathroom! "Hold on a sec, honey! I need the loo!". Ya, that's sexy!

But, being a smoker over 35 yrs old, docs won't prescribe the pill because of the side effects. What they obviously don't get is that a heart attack would be guaranteed if the stick turned blue! Stupid doctors!

And, so, I'm now once again pondering how and when I use them. They are very much in production again, but after the "eventless" night I had last night, I am more mad that I waisted perfectly good spermicide than the resulted lack of sex! I may not be thinking of future swimmers in terms of a 1st person shooter game. Not exactly, anyway. But still - the gun was cocked and loaded, yet no splattered bodies where to be found anywhere!

I'm still not going to be my overly picky self with 'Project Hooha', but this situation does make me realise that I will need to lay down some kind of ground rules. If I were back in Big Spring I'd have no choice but to reconsider any kind of standards! Let's face it, pickins there were so slim that singletons were forced to ask themselves - "Is a prison record really all THAT bad??" or "Ok, so he smells. But I can hold my nose, right??". But, I'm not there anymore am I? I'm in sunny California! And, not a tiny, little hick town like Sheridan! I'm in the capital, for goodness sake! Ah, the choices abound like fruit in the garden of Eden! Yeehaaaaaa!!!!!!!

So, with this in mind, I am going to make sure that whoever I "give my flower to" (hey, it's been that fucking long that I'm sure I've got my viginity back!) the guy will at least A) not be a troll B) able to string a couple coherent sentences together. I may not be looking for magic or romance, but still. Given my current surroundings, there's really no need to situate myself so that I'd need to gnaw off my own arm in the morning.

Oh, and about the smoking thing. I'm very pleased to say that I'll have my patches by tomorrow! Not only have I been psyching myself up to quitting - obssessing over everything I hate about it - but, I've recently been smoking even more due to stress and boredom. The result is the usual hideous nasal congestion that WON'T GO AWAY! I can also actually hear my lungs wheezing at night! I've spent the last several days, ALL DAY, trying to clear my nose and my lungs. Ya, talk about sexy! I'll admit that I'm kinda scared. But, I'm only scared that my willpower will not hold out! It's just far too easy to start again and get no grief about it! So, I'd like it very much if ya'll kind of policed me for awhile. I know it's not really an easy thing anyone can do since no one is nearby me. But, even if someone asks at random if I'm still not smoking - and even if I LIE and say "I'm NOT smoking!" - the guilt of being asked would be enough to push me on even if Bjork (the voice in my head) tells me it's ok to cheat. I really want this to work and for all the right reasons, but, let's face it - I find it super hard to stick to a healthy eating plan! Quitting my last, unhealthy vice is going to be murder! I *used* to kind of revel in my vices and now I'll be left with only my nightly cups of hot cocoa! Dear God that freaks me out! Thinking in those terms, I'm going from "hot-rockin-rebel-momma" to sombody's grandma!

* Side note to my sons* - I'd better NOT be becoming someone's grandma!

Anyway, this post has gone astray, but for a good reason. Please, take a moment next week and for the following weeks to *publicly* ask about my smoking.

The sex thing I'll freely share details about, so don't worry about asking. ;-)