OK, Brenda, you made me do it. Though I know what day it is, I was just going to keep quiet and mind my own business, not to mention the various blogs I said I was going to be writing. But ... Oral Pixation Day ... on April 1st ... must ... control ... fist ... of ... mirth ... :)

As I'm sure everybody knows by now (and if you didn't you can look it up a zillion places including here and here), the first of April, being close to the spring equinox, has been celebrated time out of mind as the beginning of the New Year. After all, it's when plants and animals come to life in most places in the Northern Hemisphere that are habitable by humans. California excepted. It's the sensible time for a New Year's Celebration by anyone who pays attention to Biology.

But the Astronomy School of New Year's Determination, a strong guild back in the 16th century in Europe, wasn't happy with this. Biology, they insisted, can't get to springing to life unless the Sun provides the energy for it. And in case you hadn't noticed, you April Fools (we'll be coming back to this), the Sun starts moving back into a position where it can give you that energy way back in January. That is when the New Year should start, you bleedin' mathematically-challenged tree huggers.

Somehow, despite the church's ambivalence towards a certain Guild member named Galileo, who had the temerity to suggest that the Sun, not the Earth, was the center of the universe, the Astronomy School got the attention of the Pope, who got the attention of the Monarchs of Europe, and got the date of New Year's changed from April 1 to January 1. This was being very cold towards New Year's partygoers, but a promise by the Church of a hot time in Eternity for disagreeing swayed the argument.

In fact, we are told, the citizenry became positively irritated at those who were slow to make the change from springy to wintry New Year's, calling them all sorts of names and sending them on fool's errands - April fool's errands - whenever possible (though apparently this custom wasn't invented at that point, it was merely carried over from when the Biology School of New Years was in vogue).

The most vigorous chastisements of the failed Biology Vogueists occurred in France, where the victims were (and still are) called fish. April fish (in France and Quebec, poisson d'avril). Because an April fish is a naive fish, easily caught. An April Fool, with fins.

And this is where I will end this fish story. Good luck with all your mouth photos, folks. Poisson d'avril!!

  - O Ceallaigh

Copyright © 2006 Felloffatruck Publications, featuring The New Millennium Devil's Dictionary. All wrongs deplored.

All opinions are mine as a private citizen.