Anti-Semite's, Addicts And Losers! OH MY!

I’m always analyzing things, but recent events have me looking at the human condition even more. Ok, my daughters newest favorite movie is ‘Click’. We’ve been watching it daily for a week! And, when I say daily, I mean ALL DAY, EVERY DAY! Anyway, it amazes me how the older girl here also loves the movie, loves Adam Sandler, yet spouts the crap she learned from her father about Jews! Obviously, she’s unaware of Mr. Sandler’s status as one of the chosen people. Then, I’m at work. One of my co-workers is teaching me how to make one type of pizza (ya, I’m working in a pizza place!) and is explaining that due to costs, we’re no longer able to use as much cheese as before. His exact words were - “We have to Jew it”. EXCUSE ME???? What decade are we in, exactly??? All of this following an amazing documentary I caught on PBS called “Auschwitz: Inside the Nazi State” made it even weirder. Here, I see this shocking and horrifying documentary that only gives me more respect for the Jewish people only to be surrounded by anti Semite crap. But, if all the Jew references mean that I’ll end up married to Adam Sandler, I’m really ok with it! Really, I am!

So, I’ve already established my horror with our current living situation. Just yesterday my friend and roommate made it clear that she has no intention to give up the loser boyfriend. I made the decision to leave the whole situation alone a couple weeks ago. I’m so disgusted with her behavior that I just cannot come up with the words to illustrate what I’m feeling. But, there’s no convincing an addict that she’s being a horrible mother. There’s no convincing an addict that her choices suck and she’s throwing her life away. It may be considered the easy way out, but I don’t think so. She started using because of her divorce. I’m sorry, that’s simply not a good enough reason to end up addicted to drugs! Obviously, one could argue that there is NO good reason, but if you’ve been in heavy military combat or tortured or something, it’s more understandable. But, a divorce?? Give me a fucking break! I’m sorry, but to wallow in self pity for years because your idiot husband cheated and left you - that’s just not worthy of my sympathy. Grow up and fix your fucking life!

I have to wonder; what makes a person change? In ‘Click’ the main character has a Scrooge-like epiphany and it’s enough to completely turn his life around. But, as we all know, a person can have epiphany after epiphany and still never get it! I feel like I’ve had tons and yet am still figuring things out! But, what is the secret? What is it that I could say to the older girl here to make her understand that being a bigot is a big deal and not the way of an intelligent person??? What can be done to ensure someone will change their life for the better? I just recently was told that Naomi (the 18 yr old back in Texas) got married on Sept. 22. My reaction is to be disappointed because she’s made the wrong choice in a husband and is too immature to be married. I tried and tried to encourage her to be her own person and experience life before settling down and making babies. No matter what I said or did, she was determined to throw away all the opportunities she had in order to get the attention of being a bride and mommy. It just sucks. She’ll end up the equivilant to white-trash because living to be with a man is all she ever saw growing up. After being around her and seeing the choices she’d made in the past, it became obvious that she chose her new idiot-husband because he was there. Seriously. She found someone who would actually marry her and that was a wrap! Not, because they’re right for each other or even close to being ready for marriage. But, because her mother taught her through example that she cannot be without a man and any man will do. How do you make someone see that they could and should expect so much more from themselves??? What epiphany could she have to realize that the opportunities she’s throwing away will never come back???? ARGH!

Well, I’m doing my best to personally try harder. When I’m at the new job and can’t suppress reality - when I indulge in a few moments of self pity over the fact that I’m staring down 40 and working at a fast food place - I halt those thoughts quickly and remind myself that in five short months we could be in China! Or, New Zealand! I really do try my best not to dwell on the poor choices I’ve made in the past and just focus on the choices I’m making now. When I see my friend with her loser boyfriend, I am relieved to know that I’ll never be that lonely or sad. I think to my sister and how she can annoy the hell out of me, but she’d never lower herself to taking drugs. And, though she would love for her husband to get clean and come home, there’s no way in hell she’d allow him around their kids while he’s still using.
I’m also trying to surround myself with people who share my values. With people I’d be proud to attend any future film opening I’ll have or dinner gatherings or just walks in the park. AND, I’m gonna stop ~ once and for all ~ saying that horrible phrase that my sons grew up hearing and had been passed down to their baby sister; “things won’t always be this way”. No more am I looking to the future to have the precious time that I lost with my sons. Nella-bean and I are moving into our future hand in hand, while taking in all the sights and wonders this world has to offer. And, like in the movie my motto is “family first”. Sure, we’ll never get rich this way, but if I find balance, we’ll be comfortable while having a ball! And, the first thing I am going to work my ass of to do, is fly out of New York. Whatever our destination, I’ve gotta have one last bit of time in that city. We’ll walk through Central park and maybe take a trip by the new CBGB’s. I loved that city when I lived there years ago. Who knows, maybe when we make it back to the states, I’ll get us a place up state. Only time will tell, but the me of old won’t be making those decisions.

I can’t help others change........but, maybe I can change me. That’s worth something, right?