Dear Parents,

It pains me to be the one to inform you of this, but you are doing a horrible job as a parent. My child has spent all night vomiting because of your thoughtlessness and lack of consideration for others AND for your own child.
Yesterday, my mother took my child to church. Your child was ill, and should have stayed at home in bed. To give you the benefit of the doubt, maybe they looked better. Maybe they had held down solid food for a whole six hours. That doesn't mean they aren't still contagious, and now my child can't even hold down water. Of course, you already know that because your child already went through it.
This isn't the first time it has happened either. In fact, because I stay at home with my kids, they don't get a lot of outside exposure to germs. The first year of school for my son was tough, because he brought home every little thing that all the other kids were already immune to. I understand that. It happens. But what was the purpose this time? Did your child have fun learning to hit other people with palm branches, because, speaking for my child, she didn't bring home too much more than that. She's BARELY four years old, and she gets that palm branches have something to do with Jesus, but she doesn't really understand what that something is. More likely, I can see your child sitting there, trying to keep from turning as green as those branches you sent home. Nothing was accomplished. Instead of learning anything spiritual, my child learned that grandma is very quick when you get sick, mommy is a little more squeamish than daddy, but still completely effective, brothers think it's a curiosity for some reason inherent to 7 year old boys, and daddies and childless relatives are best kept out of the room.
Lest you think it's just church I have a problem with, it's not. I've seen you and your friends bring your sick kids into restaurants, school, hair appointments, and even spas when they were sick. And let me state for the record, no, I do not like being coughed on or watching them get sick in a trashcan. Just in case there was any question about it.
Frankly, I'm very concerned. You seem to lack the common sense necessary to properly parent. If your child has been vomiting, had a fever, or started shaking uncontrollably and violently in the last 24 hours, why are you getting your hair done. Can't you think of something you ought to be doing instead?? Say...lowering that fever? Keeping the child in bed?? Helping them to the best of your abilities??? Oh, you are?? Damn....
In conclusion, consider this your parenting manual that everyone jokes was missing when your child was born. This is the chapter that deals with illness. I know we live in a throw-away society, and that if anything gets difficult to operate, it should be thrown away in favor of a newer model. Your child is not one of these things. Sometimes they have icky fluids flying out of their body. Sometimes they have more than one icky substance flying from their body. Just like the time this last Christmas when you pulled the same crap and made my entire family so sick that I could not watch my kids open their presents. In short- grow up asshole*.

*All thoughts expressed within are the content of IntricateGirl, and not that of BloggerParty nor any of the staff. They are expressed at the end of a sleepless night of vomiting, sips of water, more vomiting, Children's Tylenol, and enough handwashing to make IntricateGirl think that Howard Hughes had the right idea about those nasty germs. The term asshole is not intended, except for those who are being described in this article, and then they are really getting the stinkeye.