Alien Emissary Violates Human Girl!

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The powerful anti-brainwave machine of the Thetan army kept me from noticing this one earlier, but I eventually found it. It appears my human wiles proved too much for their "clearing."

Thetan ambassador, Tom Cruise, has finally managed to ensnare the once lovely Katie Holmes, of Dawson's Creek fame. And even though the two ostensibly had a young, alien halfbreed out of wedlock, rumors persist as to whether or not he has actually sunk his proboscis into the soft, fleshiness of her... flesh. Or whatever.

I reported before that this is one of the surest signs of impending doom. And while far from what anyone could truly call a "racist," I'm just not certain that the two species should co-mingle. For starters, if Thetans are our true ancestors, then why do they make it so hard for "conclusive evidence" of their existence to be collected by we puny mortals? For another thing...

FREE KATIE!

November 18, 2006 - 7:29pm

Impending doom.

wastedtime Says:

Yes, poor Katie is beyond all help. And, of course, their half-breed offspring never had a chance. But I think most of the rest of us are fairly safe. The Thetans seem to have an aversion to controlling - or even making contact - with people with empty bank accounts.

Anyone fearing that the Thetans are after them can count on my help. Just empty the entire contents of your bank account into mine. When the Thetans find your account empty, I guarantee you they will move on to their next victim - err...convert?

November 18, 2006 - 10:27pm

Doom? Oh Yes.

Cattywampus Says:

L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, used to listen to tomatoes. There's a photo of him looking intently at a tomato plant, headphones on, with the sensor hooked up to the plant. I think if you looked up "impending doom" in your Funk & Wagnall's you'd see that photo.

November 19, 2006 - 11:32am