A Writing Mom Finds A Balance

Submitted by Avalon on February 13, 2006 - 9:48pm.

I am sitting at the computer taking five minutes from a busy day to write about my writing life. I am a mother of five children and I have chosen to stay at home with them. I have always been a writer and it is a good profession to work around my busy life.

I have found that it is all about balance: Time for me, time for my children and time for my husband. The balance has to be flexible, sometimes one child needs all my time and other things have to be put on the back burner for a while. Sometimes my husband has a lot of stress at work and needs time to off load his day. Sometimes I need a break. And in amongst the needs of others comes the needs of the self. To have choice about how to spend the little time I have is one of the most important things in my life. Usually the choice is to write, walk, meditate, shower alone or talk with a friend uninterrupted.

The balance is a delicate one and often there is an intruding “wobble�? that tips the balance and makes life hard for a while. I need to readjust, take time, talk with those involved and seek a new balance. It is never the same one as before. Life shifts, children have different needs, outside demands can change, but all the time I try and remember what is important to me, what is important to my beloved family and resurrect a new balance that works for all of us.

So, how do I find a balance? I know five things for sure; I love my family and they love me, I need to find time for myself in some form to be happy, a happy and content mother leads to a happy and content family, life is an incredible, unpredictable journey and lastly, I am not afraid to admit that the feeling of personal success or satisfaction (with my family, with my writing, in the garden, with relationships – husband, friends, sisters, parents, with my editors etc) is important to me.

Knowing these things I am no longer afraid of negotiating time for myself, not asking permission, that would be wrong, but letting my family know I need time and then fitting it around our lives. I no longer doubt that my family love me even when I am not there. I know my love for them does not change. I have embraced the unpredictability of life, so that the “wobbles�? do not bring out the worst in me (grumpy, cross, tearful, unbelieving, pessimistic). I know what practical things I need to do for my family and I never begrudge then and I always give time when time is due to my fabulous family. No matter what my deadline I have time for a hug, time to listen and time to read to my children. I have time to spend with my husband, to tell him how much I love him, to listen and comment on his work and his life. I have time to explain myself, and time to discuss my dreams and aspirations.

So where is the balance? Love comes first every time, flexibility is everything and I have an unending faith that things will be fine in the end. The balance comes in the give and the take of time and that is a practicality that can be worked out.

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Balance

Submitted by Knot on February 13, 2006 - 9:58pm.

Thanks for sharing. I am in a similar situation, except that I find it a struggle to find balance. Sometimes it's hard to split my attention, especially if I am working on something that takes a lot of time and focus. I want to concentrate on it, but when I do, I feel guilty for not spending more time with my husband and children.

Then, when I spend time with them, I feel like I'm slacking and need to work! What are you secrets to not feeling this way?

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You are right on

Submitted by cgwriter on March 13, 2006 - 11:50am.

You could have been writing about me in this blog. I'm a mom to 5 and writer, too!

And balance is such a delicate thing. You did a good job describing what you go through to find it, and how important it is not to be a martyr or feel guilty.

Be the best you can be TODAY, that is all you can do!

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Balancing Act

Submitted by Avalon on February 14, 2006 - 6:11pm.

I have found that some things are a waste of energy: guilt and worry are two. These emotions seem to sapenergy without ever getting anywhere. They can actually paralyse action. I have found the best thing to dois have a loose plan. With a family you need to be a little flexible. It does no good to always live a split life, it is exhausting. Working and feeling guilty, spending time with the family and worrying about work. In the end everything suffers. I talk with my husband particularly if I have a piece of work that requires focus and we discuss what is happening in the next week or so and we try to come upwith chunks of time that I can take to write. Sometimes the timing doesn't suit me well, but it is all we can mange for this week. Sometimes I get up an hour early and work or a Saturday morning works well with my husband looking after the kids for a while.

I think women feelthis split all the time, but don't realise it is actually a bit self destructive. I am not perfect by any means. I worry and I sometimes feel guilty, but I can now let this go much more quickly and easily and get on with the writing or the playing with my family.

There is no real secret as such except to say I now think that all the different aspects of my life are important, the love and nurturing of my family and relationshipas well as the love and nurturing of myself. I think in the end this makes me a far better mother and wife and less of a martyr to worry.

I am sure you will find a balance eventually. Just remember that you are important, your family is important and your work is important and try not to waste energy on guilt and worry. When you are with your family give them your total attention and when you write give that your total attention and you and your family and your work will be better.

Hope this helps. Anyone else got ideas on helping find this balance?

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Balance

Submitted by Knot on February 15, 2006 - 6:08pm.

Having a supportive husband is so important, I agree. My hubby and I talked today about how I've been feeling pulled in too many directions and we basically came up with a loose schedule for us all which I think will help a whole lot if I KNOW that such and such time is when I focus on specific things.

Here's hoping!

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Balancing Act

Submitted by Avalon on February 15, 2006 - 6:23pm.

I hope it goes well. Let me know how you get along. Good Husbands are truly a wonderful thing.

I thought of one strategy I did not mention and that was easing into it. When I started taking more time to write or do other things we started with smallish blocks of time and built up. The kids (and my husband) got used to it and now I take a little more time and the kids don't seem to mind half as much as they used to.

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