I've given this idea a considerable amount of thought (which is probably something I should give considerable thought), but I think that the world needs one more country with a puppet regime and I'd like to be the one to install it. No, I have no experience in this field, yet I have an innovative twist that I would introduce to shake up this tired endeavor.

Real puppets. Is that an oxymoron of some kind? Nevertheless...

I'm not sure if I'm ready for the responsibility of having my own puppet regime and I can imagine that it won't be all seashells and balloons, but it's time I grew up a bit. I'm also going to have to put a puppeteer on my payroll. Anyone have recommendations?

Central to making this venture work is choosing the country, one whose population is amenable to having their present government ousted. I don't drive an SUV and my family has no ties to the petroleum industries, so oil is not a prerequisite for consideration. I do have an appreciation for beaches and tropical climates, so I can immediately cross off countries like ...well Iraq. Besides, they've already been spoken for and, quite frankly, the upkeep seems to make it less than a good deal.

Maybe I'll just write down the names of all countries that meet my simple criteria and pull one from a hat. The important thing is that I want to see the concept of a puppet regime put into literal action. I, of course, will wield power from behind the scenes, but as I will likely spend much of my time on the beach, eating pineapple, and taking naps, I can't imagine me doing much power-wielding (unless power-wielding is a euphemism for napping in a hammock).

Basically I like the idea of press conferences with throngs of reporters jockeying for answers from wooden figures being beamed globally on CNN and Al-Jazeera. Yeah, I suppose we already have that now...but not with actual puppets!

And imagine if my fiefdom starts taunting other countries? Imagine the hilarity as the leaders of Iran, Israel, North Korea, or the US go cowboy loco, puffing out their chests, and reacting with threats over statements issued by non-living figureheads with hands up their butts.

Just when you thought global politics couldn't get more ridiculous - imagine hearing Wolf Blitzer say, "President Bush today, speaking from a campaign fundraiser in Dubuque, had these comments in response to Micronesian President Pinocchio Magellan's decision to withhold his country's support for a US-led invasion of Pennsylvania Dutch Amish country. Bush reiterrated that 'freedom was on the march' and hinted that 'puppets make good kindling.'"

I'm off now to meet with some ex-horse show judge that wants to be my head of homeland security. It sounds just crazy enough to work.

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