9 days to the end of school, and I'm seriously considering homeschooling.

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My son was beaten up at school this week. He has a mark by his eye, and he said that he was punched in the stomach. On being confronted, the three boys responsible confessed. They were told they were suspended from the bus for two or three days. Now, this seems light to me, but I can live with it. It's what happened next that upsets me.

Today, his teacher called me after school and told me that she was furious. It seems that kicking one of the boys off the bus for 2 days (the one to get the lightest punishment) was too great an imposition for the parents. So he gets away with it and being told, "Now make sure you don't do that again." BTW, it wasn't the first time he's been in trouble.

My son had some trouble on the bus earlier this year. He said a phrase that I believe he may have heard from some older kids, and repeated it. I know for a fact that he has NEVER heard this in my house, whether in person or on the TV. I know he hasn't heard it at any relative's house. I know he hasn't heard it at any of his friend's houses, because I make sure I meet the parents and get to know the people my son is hanging around with. He was suspended from the bus for three days. His was for saying a phrase, which was disgusting, but ultimately hurt nobody. Yet my son has a mark by his eye and they get three days, and one gets nothing done at all??? Baby, they have no idea the shitstorm that is headed their way. And with all of this, it isn't even the worst thing I've heard of at his school. My son's teacher had her child dragged across the floor by his arm- BY A TEACHER.

So here I am, 9 days from the end of school, ready to pull him out. I am not expecting them to stop the punching. They cannot fix that issue by putting them off the bus. Frankly, with these kids, they can't fix that issue short of thorazine. But I expect there to be some consequence. He knows everything he needs to know for first grade. If elementary school is to teach kids some discipline as Maverick has said in the past (which I do not disagree with) then what's the point of continuing this charade?

So, it's either homeschool, shut up and let my kid take a few kidney punches, or teach him that the next person who so much as looks at him funny should lose every tooth in their mouth. All very, very unattractive solutions. Maybe he should knock their teeth out. I'll tell them that I don't really feel like driving in to pick him up from school. And they'll go along with it.

God, what a screwed up world.

May 11, 2006 - 5:29pm

My draconian solution

o ceallaigh Says:

1. At the end of the school year, all schools close. ALL OF THEM. Public, private, the lot. K-12. They will remain closed for TWO YEARS. It will be ILLEGAL to run an organized school program during those two years. All rich bastards who try to circumvent the ban will have ALL OF THEIR ASSETS CONFISCATED and put into a PUBLIC SCHOOL ENDOWMENT program for use when the PUBLIC (NB) schools reopen.

2. All school teachers and administrators are to be FIRED. The jobs will be READVERTISED in the second year, assuming successful completion of item 3.

3. The first year of the ban will be taken up by a NATIONAL DEBATE in which it will be made clear the EDUCATIONAL, DISCIPLINE, BEHAVIOR, and TOILET standards needed to ENTER and STAY in school. These standards are to be AGREED TO and IMPLEMENTED UNANIMOUSLY by STUDENTS, PARENTS, TEACHERS, and THE COMMUNITY. OR THE SCHOOLS STAY CLOSED.

I guarantee that by October, parents across the country will be frantic enough to start talking sensibly. Anything to get their monsters off their hands. To maintain order, the Army will be called out if necessary. They've been trained well in the procedures needed to cow civilians by now.

4. Assuming 3. is completed without catastrophic bloodshed, the school system will be RECONSTRUCTED in the second year to implement the AGREED policies within the following framework:

A. NO PRIVATE K-12 SCHOOLS.

B. NATIONALIZATION OF THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS, to ensure equality of educational/social standards and pay across the country.

C. ELIMINATION OF LOCAL TAX SUPPORT FOR SCHOOLS. Education's a national need, it's to be Federally funded and come out of 1040.

D. LOCAL SCHOOLING K-6 ONLY. After grade 6, students are evaluated and sent to schools that match their talents and aspirations, based on careful assessments. Remember, Federally funded. AND NO PRIVATE SCHOOLS. If you're in Massachusetts, and your child's best-match school is in California, it's to California your child goes, on the Federal dollar.

E. NO SOCIAL PROMOTION / RETENTION. If your child needs six years to get past grade 3, so be it. If your child needs six months to get past grade 3, so be it. Please.

Yes, I said this was going to be draconian. But really. Enough of this crap is enough.

May 11, 2006 - 6:07pm

Um

Diane Brunner Says:

No one would go for this. Two years without education is a killer for kids. Catholics and other private schools would pull their money (and effectively kill the stock market). Trying to get the government to send kids from Mass to Cali on their buck is not going to happen. Yes you propose extreme measures to change things but they are a fantasy I'm sorry to say.

The original post said exactly what is wrong. It was too hard on the parents of one child so he was let back on the bus. So he learned that he can get away with being a bully and it's ok. Discipline is the problem these days. To many suings and wrongful arrests. I don't believe in beating your kid up but a good butt smack can do wonders. I had mine hit only three or four times as a child but they made an impression on me (I thought I got them a lot until my sister told me otherwise). And stop coddling the damn kids. They need to learn disappointment. Not everyone made the team when I was younger and I turned out ok.

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May 11, 2006 - 6:20pm

well, this is a blog and therefore a fantasy world

o ceallaigh Says:

But the status quo can't go on. You will probably be besieged by seventeen opinion re: spanking, any two of which will instantly cripple institutional disciple in today's so-called system. I am angry to tears about this (in case you couldn't tell). And sometimes the point of a draconian solution is less to see it implemented than to get people to see the scope of current problems.

incidentally (while we're on the subject): since all American so-called educational professionals have been fired, the debate over educational standards, in my draconian world, would be managed and driven by teams of experts from Japan and Germany, who understand the consequences of lazy, wanton and selfish (see "Catholics and private schools" in your message) patterns of American behavior, and would have zero tolerance for them. And, any obstructionist legal bulls__t would close the schools permanently. End of homeschool debate. We'd all be doing it.

May 11, 2006 - 7:10pm

My opinion -

realitycheck Says:

If it worth anything, here's my opinion:
Life is filled with bullies, both child and ADULT. Homeschooling your child will remove them from experiences that eventually they will have to face. As a parent you need to teach your child (both boys AND girls) to stand up for themselves. Don't encourage violence, but encourage self defense. Self defense should be verbal before physical, and that should be reinforced. Enrol your child in a karate class. It is a great way to exercise while being part of an organization. Children don't realize that they are gaining courage and discipline; the courage to stand up for themselves, the disclipine to know when to strike. This is a skill that they will have their entire life.

I began taking Tang Soo Do when I was about 10. It is a strict self defense program - no weapons, etc. I got my black belt when I was about 17. Being a woman, I have found my skills to be incredibly useful. I have had to defend myself in seroius situations twice now. Once was in school. Once was when I was older and at a bar. Serious stuff, both times.

A common misconception is that martial arts make kids violent. Not all martial arts are violent. Like I said, Tang Soo Do, Soo Bac Do and most Korean forms are not.
I am currently taking Kem Po. It's street fighting mixed with boxing. I don't advise this for a child. But as an adult is makes me sleep a little easier knowing that I have the ability to control a dangerous situation.

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May 11, 2006 - 7:47pm

I'll be honest...

IntricateGirl Says:

I could not possibly disagree more with this statement, "Homeschooling your child will remove them from experiences that eventually they will have to face."

When I was working, and the places where my husband has worked, neither of us have ever been punched in the stomach for any unknown reason. In fact, neither of us has been punched for any known reason. When my children fight, they have been known to get rowdy, and I'd be lying if I said they didn't throw a fist every now and then. But when they do, there is always a consequence. But there is also a cause for the fist to be thrown. I'm not saying it's a just cause, but it is a cause. And having been homeschooled, I can tell you that it is one big dose of family, and things get resolved quickly because you have to spend 24 hours a day with that person. In other words, you quit fighting so much, because it just isn't worth it in the long run.

Compare that to public school. There is always someone new and fascinating to mess with. You always have new buttons to push on people. And consequences??? See above. Public school is the anomoly, not homeschooling. I don't want to turn this into a discussion over homeschooling vs. public school. But I will say that NOTHING I experienced in public school has been of much use to me in the real world. Why? Because everything I learned in public school is something that I could have learned anywhere else. There was nothing in Prom Committee of any use to anyone, anywhere. And Mock Trial? That just made me the argumentative bastard you see before you. ;) Even the things I learned in public school are not solely because of public school. There was nothing magical about sitting in a chair in a tax funded building that taught me to multiply. My parents could have taught me that. That is the sole reason I cannot agree with your statement. I have never needed to face all of the stuff I experienced in public school. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I didn't need it. The real learning came from my own desire to figure out things.

I have considered martial arts in the past, and I'm still considering it. But I very frankly don't know how self-defense would help in this situation. One seat behind the bus driver, on a MOVING bus, three kids with two of them being older than my son, and they all have a go at him at once. For a job I used to have, I had to learn some non-violent defensive techniques. It wasn't martial arts, but it was really handy info to prepare me for getting my hair pulled or getting kicked by people that could be bigger than I was. If I were sitting there instead of my son, not a single one would have helped me, because I would have been cornered. He has had so much trouble on the busses. For other potential situations though, it is a very good suggestion.

May 11, 2006 - 7:27pm

I'm sorry, but I really like

IntricateGirl Says:

I'm sorry, but I really like suggestions A-E. Especially E. Education should be goal based on an individual level, not chronologically based on a mass level. If you cannot identify what an "A" looks like, how are you supposed to understand the works of Shakespeare? It's time to cut the crap and get to the business of learning.

It's the getting to A-E that is the problem. Even in a fantasy world, it only shifts the problem elsewhere. Because don't think for one minute that they will have at least one parent in the home teaching and nuturing the kids. It will be hired out. Get rid of that and you have created a black market in babysitters. Besides, Congress least of all would support this. There's no way they would back anything that would do away with private schools.

Also, I'm not necessarily with you on the firing of all teachers. I think there are some good ones, and I think there are some bad ones. I also think kids are pretty smart about which is which, and if you give them half a chance to tell you without fear of being singled out, they will tell you all about why they have a good or bad teacher.

I'd love to see everyone in the US have to try to homeschool. Proof enough at the anarchist inside of me. My mom did it. I could do it. Maybe if everyone had to try homeschooling, the teachers would get closer to what they deserve in pay.

No, O'Ceallaigh, I want to put the blame right where it belongs on this one. I don't blame the school half as much as I blame the parents. How low does a person have to be to care so little for their kids that they show so much indifference? The boys owned up to it, they took their punishment, but one's parents and even extended family can't be bothered to be embarrassed over how ugly their child was behaving? And none of them, to my knowledge, has apologized.

I can't talk anymore about this right now. I keep getting more and more upset.

May 11, 2006 - 8:45pm

Its more than punching...

realitycheck Says:

Learning self defense is more than knowing how to physically defend yourself. Not all bullies are physically violent. Studies show that one in three adults experience adult workplace bullying. I don;t think the study meant that salesmen are getting punched in the face every day by angry coworkers.

If a child grows up in a very controlled environment, such as homeschooling, they are not used to this type of abuse. And unless the child plans to have a work at home job for his/her entire life, it is good to have experience learning how to deal with others. People have to learn at an early age that they will not always get along with others and that some people are mean.
Kudos to you if you have never been a victim of any form of bullying in public school! That's amazing! I am no advocate for public schools, but I personally think that the experience is very valuable. I spent the first 6 years of my life in a private school (another controlled environment). I was in total shock my first year in public school. Everything was not all good. But I was able to walk away from the experience wuth many positives that I probably would not have had otherwise.

The reason I do suggest martial arts goes far beyond the physical aspect. It is as stated, a great form of exercise, it builds confidence as well as disipline. Having courage is so important in this society which encourages drug use, sexual activity and violence. It is important for a child to be able to say "no" with confidence.

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May 12, 2006 - 4:21am

I had a very long winded

IntricateGirl Says:

I had a very long winded explanation of why your impression of homeschooling is incorrect. And it is. I dealt with far more people, on average, on a daily basis than I did in public school. This was due to extracurricular activities. But that is not the point, so I have deleted it.

The point is simple. Bullying or not, my son has experienced physical violence. The school is doing a crappy job of providing basic safety for its students. Saying no definitely has its place, but these kids are on a bad path. And this is gun country with no metal detectors in the school. So he can say no with force and put them off for a while, but there MAY come a time when that is not enough. If I can press the issue, and I can force this kid off the bus, it may be the only time in his life that he sees that somebody cares enough about his future to hold him accountable for his actions. In short- this isn't about homeschooling. This is about the fact that school violence is not decreasing, and the intensity is increasing. The worst I faced AT school was being forced to kiss the dirt, and he's in Kindergarten and being punched in the stomach? So if I can do a better job of keeping my son safe at home, I will, and I will do so with absolutely no apologies.

These are children. It's kindergarten. I guess maybe I am wondering what would be wrong with a sheltered experience at this point. He has many years to grow up. But right now he is a child, and the lesson he is learning is that you can be an asshole with impunity.

May 13, 2006 - 3:16pm

An update. My husband

IntricateGirl Says:

An update.

My husband called the school and the boy is off the bus for a few days, although he is not off the bus where the incident happened (the kids have to switch busses). So, while it's not exactly the level I would have hoped for, I am at least satisfied that something is being done.

May 13, 2006 - 3:48pm

It's rough.

Brenna Fender Says:

There's no one good solution to these sorts of problems. Good luck!

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May 13, 2006 - 6:19pm

At least SOME action was taken

realitycheck Says:

Thanks for the update. It's good to hear that SOME form of action was taken. I agree, it is not hardly enough, but it is a permenant solution, hopefully. Do you know if the parents we notified? I have always found it aggrivating that in many situations the school makes no real effort to handle these situations in the appropriate manner. I remember that if any kind of incident would occur when I was in school the first thing that was done was to notify the parents. Unfortunatly, these days, that may not be much of a worry to some children.
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May 13, 2006 - 7:46pm

Yes, they were notified.

IntricateGirl Says:

Yes, they were notified. There was no in or out of school suspension. Merely bus suspension. So, the parents were responsible for picking them up from school.

We have been told that a couple are considered special needs children, and so I'm not sure what their particular difficulty is, but there is apprently some guideline which says they cannot be off the bus permanently (which does not necessarily make sense to me, but whatever). Also, they may have some problems with making proper decisions. So, while I kind of understand it better, my main focus is still on my son and it still sort of bothers me. But I can live with it. I said all along that I wanted *some* kind of consequence, and that's what happened.

October 28, 2006 - 8:59am

Saw this post

angelface79 Says:

Hi,

I was looking through old posts and came across this one. I was wondering what ended up happening? Did you homeschool your child or did it all work out in the end.

Bullying is something that schools need to take more seriously. A child shouldn't have to experience that EVER.

October 28, 2006 - 11:57am

I did not. I researched it,

IntricateGirl Says:

I did not. I researched it, and in my state, it means I would have two options. One is to meet with someone from the government and get my lesson plans approved at my own cost. Paying taxes that go to the school AND paying for this, plus having the government tell me that I'm smart enough and diligent enough to teach my own child irks me. But as someone who was homeschooled, unfortunately, I see the need for it. The other option involves working with the school district or having a teacher oversee this. That would be more acceptable to me, but I detest this entire school district. So for now, we're just looking at moving altogether.