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2nd Chance At Love?

Submitted by seanlovett on January 25, 2008 - 11:58pm.

First of all, I would like to apologize for not being around. I have been very busy trying to get my knee back to normal and it is coming along...slowly

2nd, I want to say thank you to Amber. I got your messages and I appreciate your concern. It feels good to know that people like you are out there.

Now, let's get to what you've all come to read - another story about me being stupid ;)

So, last weekend I was hanging out by myself and getting drunk (might be time for meetings, huh?). In my drunken state, I decided it would be a good idea to e-mail my ex-girlfriend Ina.

Some of you already know about her. For those of you that don't, here's a little back story. She is from Germany. She was a foreign exchange student at my high school my senior year.

We dated briefly, but it was intense and didn't end that well. We've kept in touch over the years. I still pine for her and sometime last year she shattered my fragile little world by telling me she was getting married (bitch!)

Anyway, in the drunken e-mail that I sent her I told her everything. See, although it's been almost 12 years (damn, I just gave away my age) since we've been together or even seen each other we've kept in touch. But, it's been a platonic situation. Not anymore. I told her the truth.

I told her that after all these years I still have feelings for her and that I still think about her and that I remember everything about her including her beautiful green eyes (women love that stuff).

I also I told her that I am very much aware that she is married and that I do not want to cause any problems in her marriage. I also told her that my reason for telling her all of this was to be honest with her.

I figured one of two things would happen. Either I would never hear from her again or I would hear from sometime in the distant future and she would act like it never happened.

This was not to be the case. The next morning I awoke with a splitting headache and a reply from her. In her reply she told me that she thinks she may still have feelings for me also because she still thinks about me a lot. She also told me to not worry about her marriage because things are not going well at all.

This has led to us e-mailing each other back and forth every day this past week. It finally reached a head yesterday when she said that she wants to come to Portland to visit me. Now, keep in mind she lives in Munich, Germany.

I'm ecstatic over this, but at the same time I am conflicted. I know things aren't going well in her marriage, but I don't want to be some home-wrecker. Also, I can't help but wonder where this could possibly lead. I mean, if things were to happen between us I really can't expect her to just pick up her entire life and move to a foreign country just to be with me and I really don't have any plans on moving to Germany (although Oktoberfest would rock my face off!)

I don't know. Maybe I am worrying for nothing. Maybe I should just calm down and see where this goes and enjoy the ride while I can.

After all, this is Ina:

ina

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ammorton's picture
ammorton Says:
January 26, 2008 - 1:25pm

Just stay cool, calm, and collected...damn that sounds like words to a song. Anyway, you really are getting yourself worked up. She is probably just as nervous and has several questions as well. I would just take it one day at a time when she comes to visit. Just hang out, and catch up on stuff and enjoy each others company.


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seanlovett's picture
seanlovett Says:
January 26, 2008 - 1:43pm

you're right. It's just that this is something that I have thought/daydreamed about for a very long time and now that it might actually be happening it's a little scary.

Also, since my divorce I have pretty much become an asshole. I have become more cynical and jaded and emotionally detached and distrusting of women when it comes to relationships because I don't want to go through that pain again. So, because I'm so busy keeping my guard up I just might ruin this.

Ok, now that you've had to listen to all of that, how much do I owe you? ;)


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ammorton's picture
ammorton Says:
January 26, 2008 - 3:29pm

your funny. No really , just chill out and it will be fine.

Also, I understand about becoming distrusting, that is also normal and given any past relationships, your going to keep your guard up. You just have to not let it get in the way. Of course, with most things, it's easier said than done. So do you know when she is visiting?


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spookyyank's picture
spookyyank Says:
January 26, 2008 - 7:07pm

I've had a similar situation in my past and in my case - the whole thing ended in regrets. The obvious being his fiancee - the one who trusted him and was betrayed. I also had to take a scary look at myself and come to terms with the fact that by looking to the past (after a bad break up with a fiancee of my own) that I was only looking for something that seemed safe, rather than actually trying to start over with someone new.

I really hope this doesn't become a regret for you! I really do. I know how long you've carried a torch for her and so I can only hope that it works out for you. You never know - it could be right or it could even simply open a door for you that you didn't know was there. When will she be coming out?

STALKING EDGAR ON MYSPACE

HOME OF 'STALKING EDGAR' THE MOVIE


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seanlovett's picture
seanlovett Says:
January 28, 2008 - 1:29am

She wants to come and visit in May. I'm wondering if she remembers that's when my birthday is and that's why she suggested it, or if it was just coincidence.

That would be one hell of a birthday present, though. ;)


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spookyyank's picture
spookyyank Says:
January 28, 2008 - 11:37am

Well, it's a good thing that A: my head is MUCH clearer! B: that I'm your friend! I found an awsome site for travel and travel packages! I'm just waiting to use it myself! www.skyauction.com - this thing rocks! I looked all through the "won auctions" and saw plenty of cases where someone won a trip to Europe - hotel & flight - for as little as $330!!! It seems to me like to better you chance, you need to bid on the packeges not on the first page. The ones on the 2nd through whatever don't get as much attention, though they are just as good as the front page ones.
My oldest son, Cameron, is graduating from high school next year and I'm already looking into getting him some kind of combo of diferent countries package as a graduation gift. And, I'll need to save money on it as his class ring is gonna cost $400!!!!
Let me know what you think of it!

STALKING EDGAR ON MYSPACE

HOME OF 'STALKING EDGAR' THE MOVIE


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seanlovett's picture
seanlovett Says:
January 28, 2008 - 11:53am

like a good deal. Unfortunately, I am currently up to my eyeballs in debt right now (read: living the american dream) and it would be much easier for her to come here. Plus, she travels all the time.

She told me today that sometime this summer she is backpacking through Scotland. I'm so jealous...

Come and see what I'm rambling about now


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spookyyank's picture
spookyyank Says:
January 28, 2008 - 1:17pm

that if you can secure your apartment without worry, it wouldn't hurt to try. I mean, even if you decide to go somewhere else - a trip in the nearish future could do wonders for your outlook and spirit! I want desperately to go on holiday! But, in my case I need for us our own place to live first. Which, may just be here in Sacramento for awhile. Not only have these recent "events" freaked me out, but I've also had to stop and look more closely at the other things that have preceeded them. Even my brother - last night - pointed out just how awfull it would have been if we'd already moved to LA when it all started. At least being here I've had someone to take care of Nella in order to be "fixed"!

Have a look at the site anyway - you never know what the next couple of months will bring. And, backpacking through Scotland??? Bitch! LOL

STALKING EDGAR ON MYSPACE

HOME OF 'STALKING EDGAR' THE MOVIE


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Pussy Willow's picture
Pussy Willow Says:
January 28, 2008 - 2:33pm

Oh Sean, buddy, I really hate to say all this cause it will only add to your cynicism and distrust. But hey, sometimes there's a reason we get to be cynical and distrustful.

When women are going through a tough time in a relationship we will often grab on to someone who is offering us the opportunity to feel wanted and loved. This does not mean that we are planning to leave our husbands/boyfriends, it just means we need comfort and validation at the moment. We don't really think about the consequences of jumping into the arms of someone who is offering us these things, we just think about how unhappy we are and how much we need what this other guy is offering.

And 9 times out of 10 we don't leave our husbands/boyfriends. We work things out or we decide that now is not the right time or the comfort and validation that the other guy gave us is enough to get us through the rough patch and we just continue on with that committed relationship.

I've been guilty of this and I've seen dozens of women who have done the same thing. Women love to dump on men for doing the same thing but honestly, I've seen more women do this than men.

I'm not saying that this will definitely happen with Ina. I'm just saying don't lose your head until she's actually divorced. Like Ammorton said, stay cool, calm and collected. And do keep your guard up. If she goes back to her husband, well, at least you can say you gave it a try but you won't have been completely crushed in the process.

I've got my fingers crossed for you and I'm sending you "fairy-tale ending" energy!

The Willow Does Gary Oldman


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